A practical guide on how to cope with bullying

Being bullied can make you feel powerless, alone and as if the bullying is your fault. It’s important to remember that bullying is never okay, and that you aren’t to blame for someone else’s behaviour.

While you can’t control what another person does, you can control how you respond. Having some strategies for how to deal with bullies can help you to feel more in control of the situation and protect your own wellbeing.

How to deal with bullying in the moment

Being bullied is tough, and there’s no single magic trick that will make it stop. The goal here isn’t to give you a script to follow, but to suggest a range of different strategies you can try. Think of it as a toolkit. Some tools will work for certain situations, and others won’t. That’s okay.

The most important thing is to protect your own wellbeing. The ideas here are about helping you to feel more in control and to get through a difficult moment.

What you can do in your own head

Sometimes, the first and safest thing you can do is manage your own internal reaction. This is all about giving yourself some mental space when the world outside feels hostile.

Practise the mental shield

This is a visualisation technique. Picture a shield, a bubble or even a forcefield around you. It’s invisible to everyone else, but you know it’s there. When someone says something hurtful, imagine their words bouncing right off it. It might sound a bit silly, but this technique can be a powerful way to remind yourself that you don’t have to let someone else’s mean words or actions get into your head.

Ground yourself with your breath

When we feel attacked, our body’s fight-or-flight response kicks in. Taking a few slow, deep breaths can calm this response down. Try focusing on the feeling of your feet on the floor, or on the air entering and leaving your lungs. This isn’t about ignoring the person; it’s about keeping yourself centred so you can think more clearly about what to do next. 

Protect your personal space

You have a right to feel safe, and you shouldn’t have to miss out on things because of someone else. Sometimes, though, making a small change to your routine can give you a much-needed break from the stress.

Find an 'ally' for tricky situations

The 'buddy up' advice can be hard to hear, especially if the bullying has left you feeling isolated. An ally doesn’t have to be your best friend. It could be someone you’re friendly with in a class, a teacher you trust who you could stand by in the hallway, or even a group of people you could walk beside.

Create a do-not-disturb signal

Putting on headphones (even with nothing playing), opening a book or scrolling on your phone can send a strong signal that you’re not available for interaction. It creates a small bubble of personal space and can help you to focus on something other than the person who is bullying you.

Respond out loud (if you can)

Sometimes, you might feel able to say something back. This approach isn’t for everyone or for every situation, so trust your instincts. Only try this if you feel confident that it won’t put you in more danger. The goal isn’t to be clever or to win a fight, but to end the interaction. Here are some things you could try.

• Use the ‘grey rock’ method. This involves saying as little as possible to make your interaction as boring as possible for the person bullying you.

• Ask a question calmly, like ‘Why would you say that?’

• Making a simple, direct statement, like ‘Please leave me alone’ and then walk away.

If you’re being bullied online

Online bullying feels especially invasive because it can follow you home. The good news is that you have more direct control over your digital environment. Try this plan.

• Avoid engaging with the content of the bullying, as it often gives the person more fuel.

• Block the person, save screenshots, and then find out how to report the behaviour on the platform you’re using.

• Curate your own space by unfollowing or muting accounts that make you feel bad.

Get more advice from young people on what to do if you’re being bullied right now.

Read the transcript.

Ways to look after yourself every day

Trying to manage bullying can be exhausting. It’s important to find ways to build your self-esteem and to connect with people who make you feel good about yourself outside of the bullying situation. 

Do something just for you

When so much feels out of your control, focus on what you can control – like how you treat yourself. Whether it’s taking a long bath, cooking your favourite meal or dedicating time to a hobby, doing something for yourself each day can make a huge difference.

Reconnect with your hobbies

When you’re feeling down, it can be hard to find the energy for things you usually love. But making the effort to watch a favourite show, listen to a great album or work on a creative project can really help to lift your spirits.

Focus on your strengths

Bullying can make you doubt yourself. Take some time to think about what you’re good at. Are you creative, a great friend, a talented gamer? If you’re finding it hard, ask a trusted friend or family member what they see as your strengths.

Check out how other young people found ways to look after themselves.

Read the transcript.