Faith in me
I sat on the train with my best friend. He looked over at me with his huge reassuring smile, told me that everything would be okay and that I’d make it too, someday. I managed a feeble smile back. Despite my smile, inside I felt like I was about to break, and that my heart was going to land in a million pieces on the floor of the train carriage.
People say all these fantastic things about me, but sometimes I can’t see that any of them could possibly be true. They tell me I look happy and that I’m confident. They tell me everything will be fine, that I’ll get that job I’ve always wanted, I’ll find someone to share my life with, travel the world and that I’ll be happy.
They tell me they have faith in me. How can they…when I don’t even have faith in myself.
Not like them
I’m surrounded by all these incredibly inspiring people. How can I ever be even a fraction as amazing as they all are? They’re all so intelligent, so confident, so accomplished. They have everything that I want. They are surrounded by people that love them. They have opportunities knocking on their door. I’m not like them.
Or maybe I am…
Making the change
Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am okay. This feeling of insecurity won’t last forever. I am all those things people say about me. I am intelligent. I am beautiful. I am passionate about what I do.
No matter how much I lie in bed at night and wish that my life was different, things aren’t going to change.
Unless I make them change.
The only way I am going to get what I want is to go out there and find it. It’s not going to come and find me.
If I want a relationship, I have to let people know I care about them, no matter how scared I might be of being rejected.
If I want to do well in college, I need to do my assignments and study, not find a million and one reasons why my subjects are irrelevant. I can’t be afraid to ask my lecturers for help.
Just like me
Those inspiring people I’m surrounded by… they are just like me. They went to the same schools, the same university, they did the same subjects and chances are, found them just as monotonous and as hard as I sometimes find them. All those people in relationships…they were single once too. And those people who are travelling the world… they didn’t just sit there dreaming…they worked hard, saved their money and flew.
Deep down I know that when my best friend tells me I’ll make it, he might actually be right.