Learning the right to be happy
I’m writing this for all those people who are going through hard times. This is not about me sharing my story for the sake of sympathy or attention. But, as someone who’s been through what I have, I want to help others know there’s always a way through. They can find a way to cope and get help!
It all started when I was young. My mother and father would drink and get violent with each other. I was about eight years-old when they started physically and mentally abusing each other, which had a huge affect on me as a child.
As I got older I found it hard to trust other people and be happy. I became very depressed and had suicidal thoughts.
Then, one day I had a big fight with my mother because of her drinking problem and afterwards I attempted suicide. But, luckily I survived!
Dealing with my anger
As my parents were still fighting a lot I got into a habit of drinking with my friends. One night my parents were out drinking and I knew they’d come home and fight. I was so angry I went out drinking myself.
I went to my next-door neighbour’s house to drink as he’s the same age as me. But, that night he tried to rape me. I kicked him where it hurt and ran. Although I was in shock afterwards, I eventually told my parents and went to counselling.
However, I had to go to hospital twice because of attempting suicide.
Something wrong with me?
I thought there was something wrong with me because my parents mentally and physically abused me. Then my neighbour, who I thought was a friend had tried to rape me.
Every time something went wrong in my life and I dealt with it and thought I was fixed, something else bad would happen. I became very depressed and had low self-esteem.
Trying to cope
My way of coping was to get drunk and have sex with guys I didn’t even like. I thought it was the thing to do to escape from the hell I was living in, but I realised it was ruining me as a person.
I used to have anxiety attacks and still do, but now I have medication for it. I thought I was different from others because I have to take medication just to get out of bed and live a life without being anxious, worried and depressed.
Not my fault
But, I now know that throughout my life I have had bad experiences which I couldn’t even describe. It obviously would affect any human being, so I’m glad I’m on my medication.
Starting to heal
I’m also getting help from my doctor and I know I will never be hooked on my medication. It’s just a starting process for a more secure way of life and thinking.
I have had a sad life, but I don’t want to give up. Deep down I really want to live and take those bad experiences as lessons so that I’ll never treat people the way I’ve been treated. I know what it’s like.
I am not my negative experiences
Yes, I am a victim of mental and physical abuse, sexual assault and depression. But those experiences are not me. I am a person just like everybody else and I will not let the past destroy me.
Do help yourself
Do help yourself, because you were not born to be sad you were born as an individual who may go through the roughest of times, but will move forward and thrive. You be yourself, and to me that includes being able to be happy.