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Having sex for the first time

When you’re thinking of having sex for the first time you probably have loads of questions, but may not feel comfortable talking about them. 

To have a healthy relationship with sex, it’s important you’re responsible about it and you’ve armed yourself with all the information you need to practice safe sex.

feetRead sex, am I ready?

Safety first

Unfortunately, you can contract a sexually transmitted infection (STI) even if it’s your first time having sex. Make sure you use condoms to protect yourself. Check out contraception for more.

Be aware if you’re a guy and girl having vaginal sex, you can also get pregnant your first time (or get someone pregnant). Make sure you understand all the contraception that’s out there and choose the right one for you before you have sex.

Will my first time having sex be painful?

It’s different for everyone. Some people find their first time having sex to be really fun, and enjoyable. For others, it does feel uncomfortable, and it can hurt.

If you do experience pain during sex, you might not have enough lubrication, you may need to try a different sexual position, or ask your partner to slow down. Feeling nervous, lack of desire or arousal can all lead to it being physically uncomfortable.

If hurts very badly…

Stop. It shouldn’t be that painful. Tell your partner and talk about ways you can make sex more comfortable. If it’s really concerning you, have a chat to your GP.

Women can experience bleeding the first time they have vaginal sex if their hymen ruptures. This may have happened many different ways before this, so again everyone woman is different and it’s as normal to bleed the first time as not.

If you do bleed, it shouldn’t last long. If it continues, visit your GP.

Porn versus reality

TV, Hollywood and porn have led us to believe that sex is always going to blow your mind. The reality can often be very different leaving us very disappointed.

Read more about the facts about sex.

Trial and error

Having sex for the first time, can be a kind of messy with limbs everywhere and strange sounds you’ve never heard before. The messiness doesn’t end with the first time either!

Like most things, it takes practice. If one or both of you aren’t experiencing the fireworks, don’t worry. It takes time to work out what you and your partner likes.

It’s pretty common to not have an orgasm during sex, especially the first few times. Keep talking and let each other know what you’re into and really importantly, what you’re not so into.

Remember to keep a sense of humour and this can help alleviate any awkwardness. If you’re very nervous, take some deep breaths to help you relax and ease into it.

You might want to stop and chat to your partner so that you feel more comfortable about everything if you’re finding it overwhelming.

After having sex for the first time

You can feel many different things after having sex for the first time. It’s not unusual to feel:

  • Worried about pregnancy or STIs
  • Guilty
  • Confused
  • More affectionate towards your partner
  • Excited.

Sex is an intimate act. It’s a personal way to feel close to someone, so it’s understandable if you experience really intense feelings after having sex.

If you’re worried about the way your feeling talk it through with your partner. Or, talk to someone you can trust, like a good friend, family member.

This article was last reviewed on 03 May 2017

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