Opening up and getting help
It was almost a year ago that I started to realise something was wrong with me. But thinking back now I realise compared to a ‘normal’ person, something has always been wrong with me.
My mother has always been suffering from depression and things were bad when I was young, which of course was nobody’s fault. That must have affected me in some way. I think I must have just bottled up all emotion; I was bullied the whole way through primary school, I self harmed and found other ways to escape reality. I spent a long time feeling alone and upset.
Like I said it was almost a year ago when I started realising something was wrong with me. I realised it had always affected me but it was only then that I was coping with it. I did a lot of research on mental conditions such as anxiety and depression.
I read about the symptoms of these conditions, such as irritability, mood swings, feeling useless, suicidal thoughts. I then started thinking that this sounds like me, I might have this. I confided in my girlfriend and she agreed and we decided I should go to the doctor.
So after an awkward talk with my parents I went to the doctor who confirmed I had a ‘major depressive disorder’. Coming out of the doctor, I felt so relieved. I finally had an answer for the way I had been feeling, something to blame it on. I was prescribed to anti-depressants and began taking them the next day.
Since then things have been much better. Of course I still have a few rough patches as I call them, but that’s to be expected. Lately they have not been nearly as bad as episodes in the past, when I would come close to suicide. In general I am much happier and life is much better. I have started going to group support meetings which I find great. It gets your mind off things and gives you support to help deal with the rough times. I also still have my fantastic girlfriend to lean on when I need her; she is very supportive and understanding with my condition.
The first steps
If anybody reading this is at the first stage, when they are first realising that something maybe wrong with them, then I would recommend that you get help. Talk to somebody, open up, and tell somebody you trust how you are feeling. Then the next step would be to see a doctor, it will be a bit awkward, but totally worth it. You need to find out for sure if there is something wrong. I hope this story helps anybody reading it. Just remember to chin up, look on the bright side and never bottle anything up.