Why do I feel I attracted to people of the same sex?

While people often ask “why am I attracted to people of the same sex?”, people very rarely ask, “why am I attracted to people of the opposite sex?”

closet reflection One of the great things about human beings is that we are all different. Part of that difference is that we’re all attracted to different people and things, without needing to find a cause.

Society often looks for a cause to something that is different so that it can be ‘fixed’. Being attracted to someone of the same sex is not something to be ‘fixed’, just as being attracted to someone of the opposite sex is not something to be ‘fixed’. We live in a world that often fears difference, and equates different with wrong. This prejudice is the same as racism and other forms of discrimination. Being attracted to people of the same sex is only part of who you are, and is not wrong.

I don’t fit a stereotype

Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, like all people, are diverse. They are all ages, come from all cultures and religions, and work in all professions. The fact is that myths and stereotypes exist because of ignorance and assumptions. Some people fit the stereotypes and some don’t. Trust your feelings and be yourself.

There are many misunderstandings about sexuality and sex. We often hear and see stereotypes of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Being gay, lesbian or bisexual is not defined by how you look, where you go or the job you do. It is defined by how you feel and who you are attracted to. Trust those feelings and be yourself. It’s ok to be gay!

More information

Call, email or drop into BeLonG To, a support service for young people aged 14-23 who are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender.

Acknowledgements

Text adapted from “You’re not alone”, a booklet written by the Gay and Lesbian counselling service (WA) and the WA AIDS council under the “Here for Life” sexuality project.

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  1. roisin says:

    Hi Marissa,

    Working out how you feel about relationships and your sexuality can be tough. It may help to know that you don't have to label yourself right now, or ever. It's OK to feel however you want to feel and it's OK for this to change over time. You can take as much time as you want working things out and you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. That said it can really help to have a trusted friend or family member to talk to. Speaking to someone you trust can really help you work things out in your head. If you don't want to talk to your mum just yet maybe you could talk to your sister?

    It can be hard to work out relationships and asking people out can be tricky. Thirteen is very young to be worried about boyfriends and girlfriends. It can be tricky to work out what your feelings are for people and what these feeling mean.

    I would probably advise that you hang out and try to get to know these people better. If you want to ask someone out it should be who you like and trust best and not based on who you think you have a better chance with. The best relationships often come from friendships so it's important to have that base of trust and respect there. This article on starting a new relationship has some more tips on things to keep in mind if you are trying to work out if you like someone.

    All the best,

    Roisin

  2. Marissa says:

    Hey umm well im 13 years old and I have feeling for this girl and I might not have chance with her but I also have this feeling for this guy and I have a way better chance with him than with her also my sister is bisexual and I am but I just cant tell my mom becuase im afraid of her judge or just say im trying to be like her but I just dont what to do...

  3. roisin says:

    Hi Angel

    We wish there was an easy answer but this is something you will need to figure out for yourself. With that in mind there is not rush and you don’t have to figure it out all by yourself. It may be a good idea to use the supports available to you and to talk through what you are feeling with your counselors. They can listen to you and help you to figure out the best way for you to talk to your mum and your friend about how you are feeling if that is what you want to do.

    Also as I said before it you may find it helpful to have a look at the BeLonGTo website. They have both forums and face-to-face meet ups for young LGBTI people where you can speak to other young people who have been though similar things to you.

    You may also find it helpful to have a look at I think I might be bisexual, coming out and telling people you’re gay, lesbian or bisexual.

    I hope this helps
    Roisin

  4. Angel says:

    I'm also afraid if I come out my mam will tell me its only because of my friend being gay, but I can't help it.. Not like I can just change.. I'm going to go out to this girl and try to tell her how im feeling, im really nervous.. I dont know if I shoud leave and give her space or continue being there for her and cheering her up, she is truly beautiful and we have being friends since we wore 5 or 6, but I've kissed her a few times last year and since then ive had strong feelings for her, I know I'm bisexual but I just wish it was easier to be like this..

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