Recovering from an eating disorder
Recovering completely from an eating disorder takes time and can be hard, but it is possible and happens for lots of people.
The meaning of recovery varies depending on who you speak to. For some people, recovery means the end of the symptoms of their eating disorder (eg starving, bingeing, excessive exercising, purging, etc). For others, recovery is the end to the physical symptoms, plus an end to feeling down, fear, guilt and your negative voices.
How long does recovery take?
Recovery time is quicker for some people than for others. It’s not uncommon to experience ‘set backs’ or relapses (return of unhelpful thoughts, behaviours or symptoms) during recovery, so the process can be slow.
Some people find the less time you’ve had your eating disorder, the easier it is to recover. However, try to remember that anyone can recover even if you’ve have had an eating disorder for a longer period of time.
What recovery might mean
The experience of an eating disorder is different for everyone, and the benefits and value of recovery might be hard to understand when you have an eating disorder. For many people, the behaviours associated with your eating disorder act as a reward, or serve a purpose in your life, and therefore it may be difficult to see a good reason for stopping these behaviours.Recovery might involve feelings and experiences that could be unknown to you. Here are some reasons that you might choose to leave your eating disorder behind:
- not having to live your life in fear or with self-hatred and sadness
- not having your mood or actions dictated by a number on a scale or the number of calories consumed, times purged, or sit-ups performed
- being able to form and maintain quality give-and-take relationships (both friendships and romantic)
- feeling comfortable in your own body
- not having the way that you feel about yourself stop you from doing things that you love
- being able to enthusiastically engage in study, work, and voluntary activities
- having energy to do the things that you do (or once did or might soon) love
- not having to feel guilty about the concern that your eating disorder stirs up from your family and friends
- not having to live a ‘secret life’
- being able to rejoin the world (emotionally, psychologically, physically) and leave behind the feelings of isolation
- recovery lets you feel good and that feeling of peace can have you smiling to yourself in moments you would least expect
Relapse
Recovery might be a rocky road – often a case of two steps forward and one step back. The number of times you fall back into your eating disorder is not important – what is important is that each time that you do, you don’t let yourself dwell on it for too long. Try to pick yourself up and pick up where you left off. It might be a slow and frustrating process, but you will still be moving forward, and that’s what will get you there in the end.
Often something might trigger your relapse. It could be something as “big” as a break-up or a death or as “small” as the tone in someone’s voice or an unanswered text. Being able to identify your “triggers” might be helpful because it could allow you to look at how you originally responded to it, and to think about how you might respond in a more positive way next time. Identifying these things can be hard at first and may take some time, but with practice you will become a pro and be able to catch yourself in the moment.
Health issues
Some people, depending on the type, length, and physical symptoms of their eating disorder, may experience long-term health issues. These can include issues related to fertility, bone fragility/density (osteopenia/osteoporosis), weakened heart muscle, damage to the digestive tract (usually caused through the misuse of laxatives), and other organ damage.
Some of these things can be fixed with time and/or appropriate treatment, while others are only able to be managed. It’s important to talk to your local doctor about these issues – if there is a problem, it is best to know what you’re dealing with and what can be done to manage or fix it.
Depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues
Some people find that when they let go of their eating disorder behaviours and symptoms, they still experience things such as depression, anxiety, social phobia, or obsessive-compulsive behaviours. You might wonder why you would work so hard to give up your eating disorder, only to have it replaced with something else. The answer is that there is no guarantee that you will go on to experience any of these things, or that if you do, that they will be as bad to live with as your eating disorder has been.
One of the main problems and causes of these issues popping up post-eating disorder is that they have usually been underlying issues of the disorder. The behaviours of your eating disorder were a way to cope with the mental health difficulties and when you remove the behaviour, the underlying issues no longer have their usual outlet – the fall-back coping mechanism has been removed.
So, if you find that you are experiencing one or more of these problems during recovery, it is important that they are dealt with too.
What can help with recovery?
Things that might help you along the journey of recovery range from the big to the seemingly tiny, but they all play a role. Here is a list of things that some people have found have helped them with their own recovery (some will work for some – others for others):
- Therapy in whatever form is most personally suited to you – everyone is different. See the Bodywhys website for a directory of services with counsellors and therapists who can support you in your recovery. You can also check out face-to-face help for information and advice.
- Hospitalisation in an eating disorder clinic or hospital ward – when it is medically or emotionally needed or helpful.
- Keep a ‘recovery journal’ and fill it with positive and affirming thoughts. Write about why you want to recover, what your eating disorder gives and takes away from you, where you will be in five or ten years if you stick with your eating disorder instead of giving it up, and/or anything else that will help to get and keep you motivated.
- Spend time around positive and supportive people who are comfortable with themselves and their bodies – who have a healthy relationship with food! Spend time with people that possess qualities that you admire and aspire to develop within yourself. Check out support from friends and family.
- Talk to other people recovering from eating disorders or people who have already recovered. Mutual support can be great and motivating, and seeing someone else make progress or enjoying life might help to keep you inspired too. Have a look at the section on group counselling.
- If body image is something you are really struggling with, take a trip to an art gallery, and have a look at all the different shapes and sizes that beauty comes in. It sounds corny, but this can actually be suprisingly effective. Similarly, go out one day with your ‘blinders’ off – notice the diversity of shapes around you – don’t only focus on the thinnest people and block the rest out (you may be amazed at your tendency to do this).
- Think about your own ideas of what beauty is, and f they don’t seem 100% valid to you, question and re-evaluate them.
- Think about (maybe even write about) the people that you like and admire – what is it about them you like? Is it their size? Or is it something greater? Do you like your friends because they are thin? Or do you like them because they are fun or interesting or possess other great qualities?
- Keep an object or a note around where you can see it that will remind you of why you want to recover. Don’t ignore it when you are feeling like crap – this is when you need to pay attention to it the most.
- Read recovery-oriented books, as these can help inspire and keep you motivated – check out the health section of your local library or bookshop.
- Take up a hobby - get out there and live. Is there something that you used to love doing but have stopped? Is there something you have always wanted to try but have let your fear get in the way?
- Do things that nourish your soul - this could be anything from dancing to bongo drums, to planting a vegetable patch, to climbing a tree, to sailing a tall-ship, or to engaging in voluntary work, to having a bubble bath. It doesn’t have to be big, it doesn’t have to be expensive. Experiment with different things – part of recovery is getting to know yourself all over again (or for the first time!) and you won’t necessarily like everything you try.
The most important thing to know and remember about recovery is that it is possible – not just for everyone except you, but for everyone including you. It takes persistence and courage, but it is possible and definitely worth it.
Hi again Mick - our colleague Harriet in Bodywhys got back to us about your comment as well and I thought it was useful for me to post her full response - we hope things are good for you and your girlfriend, take care, Derek
"Hi There,
I can really hear what a tough time you and your girlfriend have been having, and by the sounds of it you have really been a great support to her. It is important to remember that there is no perfect way of supporting someone, or of getting out of an eating disorder, and many people find that along the way things can seem like they are getting worse and slipping. Relapses and the situation you are describing are very common when a person is in recovery. When you think of an eating disorder, and this means any eating disorder, as a coping mechanism, you can see why in recovery at certain times things feel more difficult and can seem to be slipping. There will be times in recovery when the person will feel anxious and maybe overwhelmed and will resort to the thing that helps them to cope, i.e. the eating disorder behavior. In this way it makes sense that if your girlfriend is going through something that is emotionally difficult at the moment, her fear and worry will become focused on herslef and her weight, and old behaviours might start creeping back in. The really important thing is to be aware that this is happening and try to help her to cope in a different way. One way of doing this is for her counselor to be aware of what is going on and to help her to talk out what she is feeling, so that she doesn’t need to use the food control to cope. Another helpful thing to do is to try and help her make the connection between what she is feeling and the way she behaving around food and eating. Understanding that sometimes getting better feels like getting worse can also take the pressure off her to ‘feel ok’, so to let her know that while she may feel worse at the moment, it won’t be like this forever, and that she is doing really important and difficult work that is all about allowing her to live free from all this food and body control to enjoy her life in a way she wants and not feel controlled by all the eating disorder thoughts and behaviours. Does this make sense to you?
Getting some support for yourself and for your girlfriend is really important. At Bodywhys we recognize that in order to support someone, a person themselves needs some support. In this way we provide support services for people with eating disorders and also for family and friends, for example our support groups. Information about our support services that both you and your girlfriend can use can be found here http://www.bodywhys.ie/
It might help for you and your girlfriend to read about how we understand an eating disorder, so that she knows that if she was to use one of our support services, she would know that we don’t talk about food or weight, or the specifics about the behaviours that someone is engaging in. Our focus is on how a person is feeling about what they are going through, what is happening to them and in this way people can openly talk, or just listen.
Supporting someone can be tough at times. It can be frustrating and scary. We do understand that and would encourage you to read the information on our website and use our support services.
We wish you well."
Hi Mick
Sounds like you and your girlfirend have been through a really tough year. While it might be hard to see right now, people do move past eating disorders with the right support and it's clear to us that you've been incredibly supportive of your girlfirend as she tries to get through this. That is key as well - the fact that, from what you tell us, she really wants to feel better. I know you mention that counselling didn't work for your girlfriend but often people need to try more than one counsellor before they find one that works for them. has a full listing of counsellors you can search by topic and by county - it might be worth a look around there to see if there is anyone locally who specializes in eating disorders. Otherwise, it might be time to get advice from a GP if you haven't already.
At ReachOut.com we're not experts in the area of eating disorders but we do work very closely with - the National Eating Disorders Association and they might be able to provide you with more information and access to services your girlfriend might be interested in trying. They run and online support group for example and that may be something that appeals to your girlfriend. We will also discretely ask them for any advice they have for you and your girlfriend and post another reply if they have anything more to add.
Make sure you look after your own mental health as you continue to support your girlfriend - and keep reaching out for support, you can both get through this,
Take care
Derek
Hi my girl friend developed and eating disorder exactly a year ago she started by avoiding certain foods and then began to starve herself , she then moved on to throwing up her food i some how managed to stop her eventually but then she went back to starving herself. When she used eat heavy food she would either go for run or go to gym to burn it off. I eventually got through to her and she began to eat and i was very happy with her and thought it was over but i started getting worried because she would eat maybe 3 -4 packets of biscuits a night plus loads of other food such as chipper food,crisps and chocolate. She used eat so much she would be on the verge of vomiting and she kept sayn to me she cant stop herself thats what started worrying me a bit .i didn't say anything to her for a while because i just wanted her to get back to a healthy weight because she had actually lost her period over it. So i went away and did my research on it and it turned out in end she had developed an other type of eating disorder but this time it was binge eating so i sat her down explained that i think she might have a problem but i wanted her go see someone in case im wrong ,long story short i was right few months passed and she made very good progress and i helped her every way i could. But in last couple of months now she is getting very stressed out over her weight and she is back to weighing herself every morning and counting her calories,and skipping a lot of her meals. I say to her but she tells me she is fine and not to worry but im very worried about her she gets very worked up over her weight and i really dont no what to do anymore im really stuck i hate seeing her like this i know she is very unhappy . She told me that she really wants this all out of her head but ive tried everything i really thought conceling would have worked but it didnt. I really need advice she is nearly there i know she is i just cant get her over this last stretch .
hi everyone i am 22 years old and i suffer alot from eating disorders and its so horribe i was bulled alot at school and i think thats were my problem started i wish i could be normal but its hard to deal with i get alot of symthoms like been cranky , cold all the time and having no energy all the time all i can see is fat thanks i really found this web site useful :)