What to do if you’re being bullied

couple watching sunsetWhen you’re dealing with bullying it can feel like there’s nothing you can do about it.  You can convince yourself that trying to stop it might make things worse.

If it’s happening in school, telling a teacher can seem like the last thing you want to do. Will your parents freak out and make a big fuss about it? If it’s happening in work, will anyone even believe you?

Everyone has the right to live, work, study and play in an environment free from bullying, harassment, discrimination and violence. No one deserves or asks to be bullied and you certainly shouldn’t go through it on your own. Don’t forget that. There are things you can do about it.

Asking someone for advice

If you’re dealing with bullying – be it verbal, physical or online – it can really help to tell someone about it and ask for advice. This can take a bit of courage but you’ll be amazed by how much better you feel just by getting it off your chest.

Telling someone else what’s going on is really important, if you feel threatened or you think you might be in danger. Don’t keep it to yourself. You’re not giving in and there’s nothing wussy or weak about reporting it or asking for advice. Anyone would need help with that.  Asking for support is actually a pretty brave move. Not sure what to say or how it could help? Read up on the benefits of talking to someone.

Who to ask

There are loads of people who might be able to help. Talk to your friends, or to older brothers or sisters if you have them – they might’ve been through this stuff and will understand.

If it’s happening in school, think of a teacher you trust. Teachers and counsellors are specially trained in these situations and it’s their job to help.

Also, it’s good for them to know it’s happening in the school, there might be other people going through it and they need to  figure out how to prevent it. So think about it as helping other people.

Talking to family

It’s understandable you might be worried your parent or guardian will completely explode if you say anything and run down to the school screaming their head off. We can’t say it won’t happen, but remember they want to help, and they actually might.

They’re also probably more clued in than you imagine, so explain to them if you don’t want them to do that and they might well get it. They could have suggestions you had never even thought of. Even if you don’t want them to do anything, it lightens the load, and that in itself is pretty good.

In the workplace

If you’re having a hard time with bullying in work, the person to talk to is your Human Resources manager. They deal with this sort of thing all the time. If you don’t have one or they’re not being helpful, talk to your manager or someone senior who can look into what’s happening. 

Alternatively, contact your union rep,  the Health and Safety Authority or the Equality Tribunal. These organisations give advice on your options and rights. You can also ask them to act on your behalf if you don’t feel comfortable doing it.

Have a look at workplace bullying for more information on your rights and what you can do. 

If it’s getting you down

If dealing with bullying is getting you down and affecting your day-to-day life, there are loads of people who can help, listen and support you.For more information on how people can help, see getting help. If you need to talk to someone straight away, see telephone help for a list of helplines, like Samaritans, that run 24 hours a day. If it’s an emergency go to I need help now. Someone will be able to help.

Tips for getting help

  • If you’re worried about speaking to someone, take a friend with you. If you don’t feel like you can talk about it out-loud or face-to-face,  write it down or put it in an email. If you’d like to talk to someone outside the situation, have a look at face-to-face help and online and telephone help.
  • Talk to whoever you tell about what they’re planning to do. They might have a responsibility to act if they’re a teacher or counsellor and they’re worried about your safety, so make sure you check with them. They should run all of this by you first. Be clear about what you want and don’t want to happen. Read up on confidentiality and consent.
  • If you don’t feel as if you’re being taken seriously, or if no action is taken, it doesn’t mean what’s happening is ok. You were right to bring it up. Tell someone else and keep at it until something changes.

Dealing with bullying can be really tough. It affects your self-esteem and your confidence, and can end up affecting your work and your relationships too. It’s really important to do something about it, and if you feel you need a hand dealing with the effects of it, speak to someone like a counsellor  to help you sort it out how you feel.

Working it out yourself

Depending on how bad the bullying is (and as long as you aren’t feeling in danger or physically threatened) you might decide to try to work it out yourself.

Here’s some ideas that might help with this:

  • Ignore it (simple but effective)

Ignoring whoever’s trying to intimidate you or is giving you hassle can be really effective for verbal bullying. After all, they’re trying to get a reaction from you, so if you don’t give them one, they can get bored and give it a rest.

Suggestions for ignoring them: Walk away when they approach you. Try and imagine it’s a friend you’re walking away from – make sure your body language (which you’re usually unaware of) doesn’t give away a sense of fear.

If someone’s slagging you, try to laugh it off. This can be tough, but don’t rise to the bait. Stay calm and try not to get visibly upset by it. Remember it’s more about them than you.

Concentrate on thinking about something else (like what you’ll do next weekend, something daft like listing all the players on a football team or remembering the words of a song).

Have a mantra – a saying or a statement you can repeat in your head when they approach you that makes you feel confident enough to just block them out (could be a line from a song or a film, whatever works)

  • Be confident

People who hassle other people usually set their sights on someone who seems nervous or unsure of themselves because they think they won’t stand up to them. Being confident about who you are can actually be your best defence. Even if you don’t feel it, as the not-so-old saying goes, “fake it ’til you make it”.

Suggestions for using your confidence to deal with bullying:

  • Tell them to give it a rest – don’t be aggressive, just calm and sure of yourself.
  • Turn around and be nice – killing them with kindness can throw them right off track.
  • Using humour may also throw them off.
  • Use positive self-talk – tell yourself you’re a better person than all that.
  • Remember there’s people who accept you for you who are and they’re the ones that matter.
  • Use visualisation

This might sound daft and it won’t work for everyone, but it can keep you from getting  overwhelmed. Picture yourself as being miles taller than whoever’s hassling you, or imagine them in some ridiculous costume. This can help you realise they’re only human, and probably not as tough as they make out.

  • Stay positive

It can be hard to remember your good points when someone is doing their best to put you down. However, try to think of all the things you’re good at and proud of and stuff that makes you laugh.  Some of the world’s brightest and funniest and most talented people get a hard time when they’re young. Remember this will pass, and loads of people get through it and go on to do amazing stuff with their lives.

  • Safety in numbers

You’re safer in a group, so hang out with other people when you can. If you’re by yourself and worried about being hassled or feel threatened, be aware of places nearby where there’ll be other people.

Moving on

Sometimes no matter how you or other people try to resolve a bullying situation, there might be no real solution other than to move school or change your job. This can seems like a massive deal, but sometimes making a fresh start is actually the simplest way forward and it can hugely improve how you feel day-to-day.

This isn’t always a possibility and it’s not the first option, but when it’s the right thing to do can actually be the best decision you ever make. You’re not giving up up, just moving on. Parents can sometimes be resistant to the idea of moving school, but talk to them about it and explain how you feel. That way you can figure out what your options are.

More information and places that can help

There’s loads of information out there on bullying, and loads of people around the world who’ve started projects and campaigns to try and deal with it. Checking these out can be great ways to get some help yourself.

You’ll see there are so many people who feel the same way you do, and who know that bullying is a really serious issue we all need to do something about. Start with the helpful sites below.

Share/Bookmark

Helpful sites

Comments Show all comments

  1. Seth says:

    Thanks Derek. It really helped. Now we are dating it's awesome. I learned that her BFF's father just had a family problem going on and my girlfriend's father was in jail. I told her " are you mad i mean what did i do wrong. I don;t see how it's my fault your mad at me." She said she was having a bad day cause of her father. It all worked out. Thanks again. Seth

  2. Naoise says:

    Hello Sunshine
    Sorry to hear what you've going through. It's very stressful and not something you need to keep quiet about. Bullying is something that should not be tolerated and you do need to tell someone about it.

    You don't give much detail here as to what is happening but it is good to hear that you have a teacher in school that you trust and you should talk to them about this. No one should have to put up with bullying and schools have a responsibilty to look after their students. Most have a policy to adhere to for situations like this. They will be able to try and help and it's important you don't try to go through this alone and get some support.

    If you don't know who is doing this you do need help to find out who is behind it. Talk to your teacher and also and a friend or family member about how you're feeling as this is very stressful time.

    Take care of yourself
    Regards
    Naoise

  3. Sunshine baker says:

    I'm being bullied by somebody I don't know. I'm scared to turn around and see who it is. I'm starting to hate this school and most of the people in it. The teacher I trust, I no longer wanna talk to him about it cause I'm afraid nobody will be able to help.....

  4. Derek says:

    Hi Seth

    It must be very hard when we feel that someone we care about is pushing us away

    It's really important that you know it's nothing to do with you - when people are a bit mean it’s their own stuff that’s making them behave that way. We know that doesn’t make it ok - but I hope it helps you to realise it's not your fault.

    It can be hard to think positive thoughts when you're in a situation like this but do please try to stay positive. It might help to speak to someone about what's going on - one of your parents maybe, or another friend.

    A lot of the time friendships go up and down and people can even get tired of each other for a while. Those feelings aren't permanent though and when the time is right, maybe it’s worth trying to inject some new life into the relationship. When you and your best friend next speak you could suggest doing something new. Join a club or go dancing together. Having a regular activity to do together can strengthen your friendship.
    Go somewhere different, a music concert maybe. Doing something different can help improve things and even if the night turn out to be a disaster, you can laugh at it together!

    We know it's not an easy time for you Seth but do know that when people ignore you it's down to them and whatever might be going on in their life - it's not down to you. Stay positive and speak with someone face to face about how you're feeling, it can really help.

    We hope you get your friendship back on track
    Take care
    Derek

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

All comments are reviewed before they go live. Read our commenting and moderation policy