The down side

Most of us have been tagged in an unflattering photo at some stage on Facebook. Or we’ve been misunderstood by someone on Twitter or sucked into the negative vortex that are YouTube comments. Seeing these can be hard; but it becomes more traumatic when someone is mean on purpose.
 
No matter how confident, good-looking, rich or famous you are, when someone says something mean about you, it hurts.
 
Proof of this is the experience of One Direction’s Harry Styles after reading a massive list of negative comments about him. 

Harry’s experience

In November, ITV2 special One Direction: year in the making Harry talked about logging on to Twitter when he was feeling down after he felt he messed-up during a gig.
 
“It’s one of those times when you’re kinda feeling sorry for yourself. So you’re looking for bad comments to make sure you were right.”
 
Harry was greeted by a massive list of negative comments. We can all relate when he says “If there’s three people saying ‘you’re amazing’ you don’t think why do they think I’m amazing? Coz you know that they’re a fan. But if there’s one saying they hate me, I’m like why do you hate me? What have I done?” 

Ignoring it

In Harry’s case the negative comments were all from people he didn’t even know. This can happen to anyone especially if you use anonymous sites.
 
It’s normal to care about what people think to some extent but the opinion of strangers who’ve never met you is never worth worrying over.  

Already feeling down?

We all feel down sometimes. This could be because something bad has happened like Harry’s gig or there may be no reason at all. If stuff is happening on social media that’s making you feel worse then it’s a good idea to log-off and take a break.   

Being bullied

Bullying can take many forms. Unfortunately, we’ve all heard or witnessed some types of cyberbullying these days.
 
Whatever form it takes bullying is never OK and it takes it’s toll on your mental health and self-esteem. If you’re experiencing any form of bullying it’s important to tell someone about it.

Daniel’s story

You may not have heard this story about cyberbullying; one with a difference. High school footballer Daniel Cui let in a goal that lost the match for his team. It happens, he’s a goalie.

But, someone in his school decided to blame Daniel for the whole team’s performance that season. They created an album on Facebook of all of Daniel’s worst football moments and it soon went viral around the school.

As you can imagine this was really upsetting for Daniel and he tried to stay away from school to avoid seeing anyone.

We’re all Daniel Cui

Daniel’s friends decided they had to act. They found a photo of Daniel making an excellent save and all made it their profile pictures. Over the following hours over 100 students from his school made it their profile picture as well or liked the photo.

One of his friends has been quoted as saying, “The whole school stood up for one kid who needed it” and “The next day Daniel came to school like he was 10 feet tall”

Cyberbullying

Chances are if we don’t experience cyberbullying ourselves we could know someone who does. We are all responsible for preventing it. Make no excuses the impact of cyberbullying is just the same.

We’re all responsible

Nasty pictures and messages only go viral if people share them. Think before you share or like something. No matter how funny it is, how would it feel if it was about you. Just because you didn’t upload it or don’t know the person doesn’t make it OK.

Supporting your friends

Daniel Cui’s story shows there are things we can do to support someone. In this case, one good picture outweighed many embarrassing ones. If a friend is being cyberbullied let them know you’re there for them, that they do have friends out there to support them, in whatever way you can.

If you or someone you know is experiencing bullying online read cyberbullying for steps on how to stop it.

In different environments it can also be hard to recognise. In fact, weekly, we watch reality TV programmes, like [fill in name of one of the many] where people show their talents only to be ridiculed, in the name of entertainment. So where’s the line?

The reality of the situation is that everyday, sometimes without even realising it, loads of people are dealing with bullying.

So what is it?

There are many different types, from verbal, physical to cyberbullying. It can happen at any age and any stage of your life, unfortunately. Learn how to recognise the different forms of bullying. It’s important everyone knows what they are.

The ISPPC are running a campaign this week, highlighting the seriousness of bullying and the damage it does. Celebrities including Westlife, Jedward and Laura Whitmore are supporting this campaign.

Happens to anyone

Westlife star, Feehily, a former victim of bullying himself said he knows 35-year-olds who still cry themselves to sleep because of bullying they experienced as children. 

Not so obvious

Although certain types of bullying can be obvious most is quite subtle. But, it is any behaviour either by a person or a group that intimidates another person on a regular basis. Read cyberbullying and workplace bullying to recognise the signs in different contexts.

Knowing what it is is important as we are all responsible in the prevention of bullying. Whether it’s work or school or wherever, we need to make sure we aren’t intimidating people, or ignoring the fact that someone else is being bullied.

Afraid to speak out

Feehily described how the bullying made him feel, saying he held it all inside, afraid if he told anyone it might’ve gotten worse. This is a normal response and how the bully wants you to feel. Actually the best thing you can do, is tell someone.



How to change it 

Talking to someone you trust releases tension, helps get a different perspective and a plan to deal with the bullying. Most institutions, schools, colleges and workplaces, have anti-bullying policies and take it quite seriously, so they need to be told if it’s happening.

Everyone has the right to work or study in an environment free from bullying or intimidation.

Today is “Safer Internet Day” which is organised each year by Insafe – a European network promoting safe, responsible use of the Internet.

The findings of a survey of 800 parents were released yesterday about their concerns of their children coming across inappropriate content and giving their details to strangers.

Although people growing up with the Internet are quite aware of what and what not to do online, there are some things we need all reminding of from time to time.

Useful  resources

Insafe have a facebook page here and their website provides reources for parents, teachers and children.

Even if you don’t fit it into any of those categories, it’s worth taking a look and reminding yourself that nothing you do online is really anonymous and to look after your privacy.

We all know there some sites that like to change privacy settings quite a lot too, so it’s important to stay on top of them.

Protect yourself

The internet is a huge feature in a lot of peoples’ lives with most people using it now for communication, education and entertainment. It has seen an unfortunate rise in bullying, called cyber bullying. We have posted a series of blog entries about this and how to protect yourself.

But it also taking note of the points in staying safe online.

Protect your computer

The Insafe website also contains handy information, that everyone should know, about protecting your accounts and computer from viruses, cos they can really wreck your buzz.

So safe surfing!

Just a laugh?

In fairness, the Big Brother house has never been known for showcasing the greatest parts of human nature. It’s pretty much designed to bring out the worst in people. By singing themselves up for it, you could argue that a bit of slagging is to be expected. But when does a bit of slagging turn into bullying?

“We had each other”

Watching Jedward over the past two years, the thing that seems to help them stave off the negativity that’s thrown at them is their relationship with each other. They might get some stick for it, especially being carbon copies of each other, but their amazing friendship with each other is also the thing that gets them through, and wins people over. They might leave everyone else in the room exhausted and confused, but the two of them will be having a great time.

The pair have been open in the past about the bullying they encountered in school, and recently took part in a national anti-bullying campaign for the ISPCC. “We know firsthand how horrible bullying can be and so we jumped at the opportunity of being part of this campaign…we were bullied at school”, they told RTE, “ but we were lucky in one way as we had each other.”

What friends are for

Not everyone has an identical twin, and certainly not one like John and Edward. Even for them, their friendship won’t be the answer to all of life’s problems. But having good friends and knowing that what what think and how much they love you can be a shield if someone is giving you a hard time. Nothing works better against anyone that tries to make you feel small or stop you from being yourself.

A good friend will like you for who you are. Even, or maybe especially, when who you are is jumping on the couch or wearing a red PVC jumpsuit.

Commentary

But it’s not the song so much that is creating the buzz about this but the reaction. Trending for weeks now on twitter with people calling it the worst song ever, it really has brought out some ridiculously hateful commentary.

Internet trolls

The anonymity of the internet is something we obviously see the benefits of in reachout.com as people can find out and seek help online for mental health issues in private. But this same anonymity has made the way for this wave of trolls, those who unleash inflammatory and hateful comments.

Abuse

Incredibly aggressive threatening comments have been sent to a sweet 13-year-old girl. Actually it doesn’t matter how sweet she is, no one in her position deserves the torrent of abuse she has received.

Cyberbullying

Unfortunately, this case is not in isolation. Ok, in this case it’s cyberbulling on a very grand scale, but it is becoming more and more common here. Make no excuses, the effect is the same as regular bullying.

Thinly veiled

Bullying can have a very damaging affect and can happen to anyone at any stage of your life.  It should never be tolerated but unfortunately there are plenty of areas were it is encouraged. It’s always veiled as something else of course. In some sports it can be considered motivational to constantly put someone down a lot.

Know what to do

For most of us, we’re not going to have a gang of celebrities come out to defend us as in Rebecca Black’s case so arm yourself with knowledge of what to do if you’re being bullied.

This post focuses on how to protect yourself while you are online.

We know how cyberbullies can attack and what actions can make you vulnerable to cyberbullies, how do you protect yourself online?

There are a number of things you can do:

• Firstly, only give out your mobile number or email address to people that you know and trust.
• If you use websites like bebo or facebook or myspace, do not post personal information such as your phone number, your address or email address. It is better not to include your last name in your username if you can help it.
• Social networking sites will usually allow you to set your profile so that only friends that you have accepted or chosen are allowed to view your page.
• Do not communicate anything online if you don’t want the world to know about it!! No matter how careful you are about protecting yourself online, you cannot control what other people will do with information you give them. For instance, if you disclose something private and confidential to someone on msn, you cannot stop them from forwarding it to everyone they know.
• Remember that you are responsible for anything you post or display online. Do not behave in a way that will make somebody else uncomfortable or embarrassed.
• Always be careful when chatting to a stranger online. Even if you feel they are no danger to you, do not disclose personal information such as; where you live, information about your family, or private details about yourself.

How to respond to cyber bullying

You can use the tips above to limit the risks of cyberbullying or other online abuse. However, there is nothing to stop someone cyberbullying you if they set their mind to it. So, how should you respond if this happens?

There are a number of actions you can take.

• The number one rule is: do not retaliate.
• You can send the cyberbully an assertive, non-emotional message telling them to stop. Only try this strategy once. Do not persist if it doesn’t work. Change your plan.
• You can ignore but also block the cyberbully. So ignore their behaviour but try to block their contact. There is usually an option to block a person on social networking sites or instant messaging accounts.
• You can change your username, mobile number or email address depending on how the person contacted you.
• You can file a complaint. On bebo and facebook you can click a link to report abuse if you are offended by a photo or comment. You can also contact your mobile phone network provider to have a phone number blocked. You can block or filter emails from specific addresses by changing your settings. (Google “email block” for more info).
• Always save evidence of cyberbullying where possible. Although your first reaction will be to delete offensive material, you may need it if the problem continues. You can do this by saving a screenshot of a webpage, saving an email into a folder, saving your IM conversations.
• If you are upset by cyberbullying try to confide in someone who can help.
• If you find you cannot get the cyberbullying to stop then you should contact the guards or a solicitor. You will have more chance of success if you can show them evidence of harassment.
• If you witness someone else being cyberbullied try to be supportive. Do not contact the cyberbully if you feel this could make you the next target. But don’t stand by and do nothing. You can offer the victim words of support. If you feel there is a threat to the victim’s safety or if you think the bullying could be extremely distressing then try to save evidence such as a screen shot of the webpage and report the problem to a parent,  teacher or if necessary the guards.

Read more about cyber bullying.

In many ways it is easier to bully someone in cyberspace than it is to bully someone face-to-face. It’s likely that in many cases people who bully online have different personalities to face-to-face bullies. The type of people who abuse someone else using the Internet or mobile phone may never attempt to bully someone face-to-face.

Reasons

There are a number of reasons for this.

1. It takes a lot less energy and courage to say something nasty in an email or text message or to post something cruel on a webpage than it does to say something nasty to someone’s face.

2. When a person knows that they can use a fake name online they may feel they can get away with bad behaviour.

3. When a cyber bully says something nasty via text or email they usually cannot see their victim’s reaction. Therefore he/she may not feel guilty or sad for their victim because they do not realize the upset they have caused.

4. There is very little supervision in cyberspace. The Internet is so vast that it would be impossible to censor all of the material that people post online.

5. Some cyber bullies may not feel responsible for their actions because they blame their bad behaviour on their cyber persona!!

Why?

There are numerous reasons why people bully. An American study in 2007 by Raskauskas and Stoltz revealed that cyber bullies behave this way because:

• They think it’s fun
• They did it to get back at somebody they were mad at
• They feel bad about themselves

Although we should be free to use the Internet however we wish without fear of abuse, there are certain online behaviours that can make people more vulnerable to cyber bullying.

Social networking

A study by Pew Internet and American Life Project in 2007 found that young people who used social networking sites such as Bebo or MySpace were more likely to:

    Suffer harassment online

    Have rumours spread about them online

    Have private messages forwarded to others or posted online

    Have embarrassing photos posted without their permission

    Those who upload material eg photos, artwork, or helping others build websites, tend to be victims of cyber bullying more often

However, that is not to say that young people shouldn’t enjoy all of the activities that the Internet provides. Everyone is entitled to have a facebook profile or to create blogs, or to communicate with friends online and nobody deserves to be punished for this. However, there are certain actions everyone can take to make them feel safe online. Part 3 of the cyberbullying blog will talk about protecting ourselves online and responding to cyber bullying.

Leanne Wolfe from Co. Cork took her life in March of 2007 just two weeks after her 18th birthday. Leanne had suffered torment from bullies which included mental, physical and cyber abuse. Leanne had received threatening text messages just before she died.

Ryan Halligan from the US also took his own life after a period of cyberbullying. Ryan received abusive instant messages which were often threatening and insulting. His Dad describes him as “a gentle, very sensitive soul.” Ryan was taunted about being gay. He was also tricked into revealing personal details about himself online to a girl he liked at school. She then forwarded this information to others via instant messaging.

Meagan Meier died by suicide following a period of cyber victimisation. The 13 year old became involved in a relationship with a boy called Josh Evans whom she had met on MySpace. In reality this boy did not exist but was in fact an online character created by a group of cyberbullies (including a parent of a girl Megan had fallen out with).  Megan was traumatised when Josh suddenly broke off their relationship with a string of nasty messages suggesting that the “world would be a better place without her.”

David Knight of Canada also suffered at the hands of cyberbullies when a web page was created entitled “Welcome to the Page That Makes Fun of David Knight.” This webpage contained comments from classmates which were degrading to David. David eventually left school and finished his final year at home.

What is cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is when somebody uses electronic communication such as the Internet or a mobile phone to bully someone. This can involve sending threats, creating rumours or insulting someone via online communication. Cyberbullies target people using many different methods including; websites, instant messaging, emails, chat rooms, texts, and phone calls. Victims of cyber bullying sometimes report that emails or instant messages they sent in private are forwarded on for many other people to see. Other times humiliating pictures or video clips are posted online.

Cyberbullying is a particularly nasty form of abuse because it can reach a very large audience (literally millions of people) and can follow a person everywhere at every moment of the day. Unlike traditional bullying there is no escaping a text message or email. A lot of those who have experienced cyberbullying also report that it is unnerving because cyberbullies can hide behind a phone number or username. It can be very frightening to receive an anonymous threat.

Experts believe that cyber bullying can be very damaging to victims’ mental wellbeing. In various studies victims have admitted that the abuse they received made them feel angry, sad, hurt, anxious, afraid, stressed, embarrassed, upset, depressed, and suspicious of others. Cyberbullying can be even more distressing than face to face bullying.

In Ireland recent studies have revealed that online bullying is a common problem in secondary schools.  Upcoming blogs will discuss the types of people who bully or are targeted online and also how to protect yourself online.

Lucie will be back with another blog soon, but in the mean time see  cyberbullying, which has links to resources in Ireland.