This Sunday is Father’s Day. A chance to express gratitude and thanks for all your dad has done. Or if your father is no-longer with you, then it might be a day of remembrance.

Marking the occasion

What we all do for Father’s Day will vary. Maybe you buy your old man dinner, or a token present. If you don’t live nearby you send thoughts in a card. Or, as in my case, you annually forget all about it, and so have to buy a belated, elaborate gift instead.

Not always easy

You could come from a family where there is pressure to acknowledge Father’s and Mother’s Days, or else your family turns its nose up at these ‘Hallmark holidays’.  Whatever situation you’re in, one thing we all have in common is that relationships with our parents and families are not always easy.

We’ve all seen Brady Bunch type dramas on TV that sometimes make us question our own family life. No matter how happy a family appears on the surface though, at some point everyone has disagreements. It’s worth remembering that all households have their own issues.

Causes of conflict

While all problems vary, often the root causes can be similar. Conflict with parents or guardians can stem from differences in the generations, or a feeling that they don’t understand you. Maybe there are boundary problems, or disagreements on the amount of freedom you each think you should be allowed.

Pressure to behave a certain way or live up to expectations (real or perceived) can cause stress too – especially around exam time as many of us have probably just experienced.

How to deal with disputes

Often just taking a breath and counting to 10 can calm a situation down, or help how you deal with it, at least in the short-term. Communicating effectively, taking the time to talk things through at the right moment, and trying not to jump to conclusions can also help to ease tensions.

Seeing the bigger picture

It’s worth remembering that parents and guardians are people too. Despite appearances they’re probably not being antagonistic for the sake of it. They most likely have their own worries and burdens which might be affecting their behaviour with you. Simply agreeing to disagree could be a way of negotiating peace with your family.

PleaseTalk launched in 2007 in UCD in response to the deaths of a number of students by suicide. By March 2008 it had been adopted by all of the universities in the Republic of Ireland and extended into Northern Ireland in November 2011.

Objectives of PleaseTalk

Forum running order

Derek Chambers from ReachOut.com will be MC-ing for the day, with Brian Gormely from DIT welcoming everyone at the start of the day. Gerry Raleigh, Director of National Office of Suicide Prevention, will be speaking at 11 am about the campaign.

Aimee O’Callaghan DITSU and Denise McCarthy from Unions of Students in Ireland will follow Gerry to talk about “Your PleaseTalk”.

Hearing from support staff

Eight breakout sessions will aim to get feedback from those attending, on a number of elements, from how to encourage engagement on campuses to what your ideal PleaseTalk.org could be.

After lunch, a panel discussion will cover the opportunities and challenges in promoting mental health at third level education.

Where

The event will be at DIT Kevin Street, Dublin 8 from 10.00 – 16.00 with lunch provided. All welcome.

This week is International Men’s Health Week, landing at the same time as the release of Man of Steel, the new superman film.

Action men

“Action Men: Turning Words into Action” could be a slogan for the superman movie, but is actually Ireland’s theme for men’s health week.

This couldn’t be more appropriate. Who doesn’t have a father, uncle or brother that doesn’t pay attention to aches and pains and refuses to ‘take action’ and get them checked out?

For that matter, who amongst us can say we don’t need more exercise, less junk-food and to keep an eye on the multiplying alcohol units each weekend? Thinking and saying we know how to lead healthier lives isn’t the same as leading them. This is as true for our mental well-being as it is for physical health.

What would Clark Kent do?

No matter what the weather it’s time to change those bad habits. Eat a few more vegetables and spend a bit more time outside. Hopefully we’ll get more of that unseasonal sunshine, but if we don’t, we should ask ourselves whether a little rain would stop Clark Kent?

Learning to ‘take action’ with your mental health by doing your best to look after it, is important. But, it’s also important to know how to get through a stressful period, or even what to do when you’re just feeling a bit crap.

Communicate

Sometimes when going through a tough time, talking can be the action that’s needed. How we talk to someone can make a huge difference in dealing with problems. But opening up can be hard. Brush up on some effective communication tips.

Improving communications with ourselves is also a necessary part of any mission, or just the ups and downs of life. A bit of positive self-talk, giving negative comparisons a rest and not reducing everything to black and white can make everyday living easier.

We’re not all men of steel

It’s important to remember that while we might not all be superheroes, that doesn’t mean we don’t have the power to change our own destiny and put those words into action.

Men’s health week runs until Sunday, 16 June with events around the country.

“I’m not a runner!” Elaine admits, “but I wanted something physical, to help me de-stress and that wasn’t a gym.” Through Twitter, she found a local organisation that arranged running for women and signed up. Before she knew it Elaine was out twice a week, with a beginners group of joggers.

Being connected

Getting involved in shared activities and connecting with other people outside of our usual lives is brilliant for helping to boost our self-esteem. “It’s good for your head, your body and your heart,” Elaine says. “I met a group of people from all walks of life, and some of us still meet up. It’s a great sense of community.”

The physical advantages of exercise are well known, with improvements in energy, strength and fitness. But benefits also extend to mental health such as confidence, sleep patterns, and body image – all positively affected. “No matter what kind of day you’ve had you can step outside and de-stress,” Elaine continues, “you can think about nothing at all, or everything. It’s your choice”.

Setting goals

Whether aiming to run a marathon or just creating an exercise routine to improve our day to day life, it’s important to have a focus and create a plan. Setting goals can help us stay on track and achieve what we set out to do. For Elaine, fitness was the motivation, along with the chance to raise funds for ReachOut.com.

Creating mini-goals, an overall plan and focusing on rewards helps us overcome obstacles, which are a part of any activity. It’s worth remembering that this applies to all sorts of situations, like study, exams, and getting rid of a bad habit – not just for getting into exercise.

Baby steps

Breaking anything down into chunks will make it more manageable. 30 minutes of non-stop jogging was one of Elaine’s aims, “Which I can now do – but not always!” she laughs.
Following the plan, walking a little and running a little, and keeping the routine helped Elaine stay on Track. She achieved her goal, started a healthy hobby and made new friends. I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking of dusting off my old runners and taking a step outside.

With players from Ireland, Wales, Scotland and England, being selected for the team is an honour, but, with this prestige comes stress. As the Lions haven’t won a series since 1997 this year’s matches will be closely followed. Media, fans, managers and sponsors all have reasons to want success, which is a lot of added pressure on the players.

External pressure

While we might not all get to be involved in such high-profile events, we nevertheless have to cope with stressful situations, where we feel pressure from all angles. There are lots of situations where we can feel the pressure from the expectations of others. 

The Leaving Cert for example has the interest of many, including family, friends and teachers. Therefore we may feel we have a lot more to live up to than our own expectations. But it’s important to remember that the exams are yours, and you are in control.

Managing the situation and your health

Like any potentially stressful situation, there are things we can do to manage what’s going on and look after our mental health in the process.

Planning ahead, keeping a routine and ensuring that we mind ourselves by taking breaks, keeping an eye on nutrition all helps to manage stress. See more information about managing exam stress.

Seeing the bigger picture 

Remember there are always people to turn to, for help or advice. Keep in mind that times of high pressure such as the Leaving Cert do have an end point, and like other trying times you will get past this and move on to the next stage in life.

Listowel’s international writers’ week kicked off yesterday and runs until Sunday, 2 June. If you missed authors such as Dan Brown or Colum McCaan at the Dublin writer’s festival then this could be a chance to hear some of the world’s most popular writers.

Getting connected with literature

There will also be discussions with up-and-coming writers, workshops and even an open-mic session to showcase hidden talent. It seems our country’s appetite for literature is as strong as ever.

Interestingly, festivals like this are still popular – even with the fast changing landscape of technology and online communications. Connecting and socialising with like-minded people may play a part in the strength of such gatherings, but equally could be as much to do with the cathartic nature of the writing.

Writing as a release

Whether professional, amateur, or even just writing for yourself – it can be a great way to let go of built up feelings. Keeping a journal or even just writing about what’s going on may help with understanding emotions or even just release tension.

Using the process of writing as a tool to help us cope could be an end in itself. Maybe keeping a daily journal is as daunting as the idea of writing a novel, but scribbling a few words of anger on scrap paper could be all it takes to help feel a bit lighter.

Making it easier

Whether using the written word as a release or for better understanding, it may make it easier to relax, talk to someone else or even contact a support group.

“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.”

While we might not have the sunshine, there’s a certain “je ne sais quoi” about this time of year that can make one feel as if life is, beginning all over again – especially for young people.

End of a chapter

Whether you’re about to sit your Leaving Certificate or you’ve just completed your final semester in college, there’s a finality that occurs with the beginning of summer.

As a chapter in your life closes, it’s time to examine how far you’ve come, before embarking on a new journey. This can be a wonderful, but scary time.

So many questions

Will I still be friends with the same people this time next year? What will I be doing this time next year? Graduation ceremonies and final exams can conjure up feelings of nostalgia and make us feel a little fragile; but this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

When I finished school, I was a melting pot of emotions. There was relief (post exams) that I had managed to navigate six years of education. I was excited at the prospect of what my life would be in six months time along with feeling slightly terrified that my friends and I would grow apart. 

How much I’d grown

But, it also gave me the time to examine how much I had grown as a person throughout my teenage years and give myself a pat on the back. More than likely, along with recieveing your graudation diploma, you will have accumulated wisdom in more than maths and biology.

Relationships

You’ve gained and lost friendships, had relationships, faced a multitude of problems – personal and otherwise – and learned some valuable life lessons. I believe it’s always good for your mental health to revel in these special moments when they present themselves. They pass by quicker than you think!

Getting through stronger 

Every now and then, it’s good to sit and take a moment to think of all you’ve conquered and the amazing journey that lies ahead. It doesn’t matter who you are, life kicks all of our asses at times. But, you won. You got through the tough times and emerged a stronger individual.

Your past has prepared you for what’s about to come and even though it’s daunting, you should embrace your future. It’s not always going to be easy, but I can promise it’s going to be a lot of fun.

Six years in development, the report aimed to delve behind the suicide statistics by interviewing families affected. These families very generously gave valuable insights into the lives lost to suicide in what must have been a deeply personal and tough experience for them.

Identifying factors

The report identified some common themes in death by suicide in Ireland. While this seems reasonable, such reporting of research is then subject to over-simplified media coverage. In a quest to find some answers as to why people take their own lives, these themes are plucked by the media and used as sound bites. Each one then treated as a principal factor.

When it comes to understanding why anyone would take their own life we have to take account of each unique set of life circumstances, social environment, any possible biological vulnerability, psychological outlook and the interaction of all of these factors.

Limited understanding

An article in Irish Catholic at the end of last week referring to this report interpreted the need for young people to be taught about “suffering bravely and without complaint”.

The Irish Catholic writer picked up on some of the stories told by family members in the course of the research – essentially life events that may help us to understand what was going on for the person who had taken their life. A leap was then made identifying those life events and the person’s death as cause and effect respectively.

The article presented a one-dimensional understanding of suicide implied by the statement that “taking your own life because a teacher had once beaten you, or a tutor gave you a humiliating dressing-down is an absolutely disproportionate, and indeed wrong, response to a bad event” which is both unhelpful and hurtful for anyone who has known the pain of suicide bereavement.

While culture is implicated in population suicide rates and trends, to suggest that we can teach our way out of suicide displays a distinct lack of understanding of both public culture and human nature.

Move towards hope

The thing that can make a positive difference for young men in Ireland today is hope, and a change in the national conversation towards hopefulness, resilience and shared humanity.

Telling people to suffer in silence is a step backwards. Whatever the unique and complicated mix of factors that bring anyone to contemplate suicide, the most likely way to get beyond those feelings is through engaging with another human being.

Being truly alone has always terrified me, when I first realised I wasn’t “normal” and that I couldn’t enjoy being around people and do “normal” things I felt completely and utterly alone.

Missing out

On the one hand, it suited me fine as I hated the judgement of people if I embarrassed myself. On the other I craved the nights out, the experiences the other young people had.

I felt like an outsider that nobody would understand. It took a long time before I talked to anybody how I was feeling. My parents knew something was wrong, as I would pretend to be sick to skip school or actually be physically sick with anxiety.

One of the worst things was trying to explain what it was, why I was feeling like this because the truth was I didn’t know.

Panic attacks

I first opened up completely to my mum. I hit rock bottom. I had major panic attacks when I started fifth year of secondary school (bear in mind I had been suffering and coping two years before this.)

My mum brought me to my local GP and she quickly assessed what was wrong with me, there was a lot of tests to make sure it wasn’t something physical. I knew myself it wasn’t but they had to be sure.

Using photography and writing

Since then I am much more open about my social anxiety. When someone asks about the subject of my photographs I will tell them, I have my blog about living with social anxiety and I am more comfortable explaining to people why I don’t drink.

The longer you leave it the more you feel alone and like nobody can understand and that nobody will want to understand. You feel like they will judge you for being weak, that you’re looking for attention and many others.

Take it from someone who has gone through it and come through the other side, take it from someone who has numerous friends/acquaintances who have gone through tough times… People DO understand. This IS common.

Find a way through

There IS help and NO judgement. There IS a way out of all of this, it is a struggle and you do need the strength to do it, when you ask for help you will find the inner strength to overcome. Seeking help is the first step and it gets much easier after that, sharing your problem allows it to be halved.

You have so many possibilities to uncover in life, finding help and learning to make the most of it is really worthwhile. You just need to ask for help, never fear that people will not understand because believe it or not people are more aware for the need to look after your mental health.

It is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact learning to face and manage my social anxiety has made me the person I am today.

Graffiti

Last week, one of our ambassadors, the very talented (and damn hard-working) Kev, gave our office a bit of a makeover. 

2012 awards ceremony

Inspire a Generation is back! Our national film competition is in its third year. We’re asking budding film makers and animators to submit their ideas for a film or animation under two minutes, demonstrating ways to get through a tough time and challenging current stereotypes around mental health.

Prizes

Up for grabs is €2,000 plus an internship with leading Irish ad agency Cawley-Nea, the runner up will win €1,000 and the second runner up will receive €500. Using ReachOut.com for ideas, the films should inspire others and promote positive attitudes to mental health.

Details

We’re looking for initial concepts and outlines by Monday, 8 July. Find out all the details for Inspire a Generation 2013. 

Take a look at last year’s winners. 

Tough going

At some stage or other many of us will understand what Rocky means in the above quote. Life isn’t a simple stroll in the sun for us. It’s tough going and it presents obstacles in our path, all the time. Dealing with and overcoming these obstacles isn’t easy, but far from impossible.

For the past two years, I have had a knee injury that has left me missing the chance to play in pretty much all of the 2011, 2012 and most of the 2013 GAA seasons and feeling a lot of discomfort in day-to-day living.

Constant feeling

I’ve undergone surgery twice previously (and am having some more minor surgery again) to try and cure the problem. I’ve had times where I’d experience pain when simply walking around at home and the injury has become a constant in my life for the last 27 months.

Coping mechanism

As a result I have had to work on overcoming this obstacle, both in the physical sense through rehabilitation exercises, and mentally by employing coping mechanisms to ensure I continue to get better.

Now, I know many people are suffering much worse than I am. I’m extremely lucky in comparison to what some people have to deal with. But, I can only offer my own experience of dealing with this as everyone can only explain their own situation.

How I overcame my obstacle

Surrounding yourself with good people is vital. Whether your obstacle is physical, mental or otherwise, being around people who support you, offers you guidance, listens to you and stays positive is critical to overcome any tough time.

Taking control

Living in the present moment is critical also. Overcoming obstacles requires you to deal with the situation as it is right now, not in the past or into the future, right now in the present. You have to take responsibility for what you can control. You can control your mindset every day towards the problem.

You can control your attitude. Do you set small improvement goals or do you apportion blame for your problem elsewhere? Do you seek out the opportunities that lie in your obstacle or feel despondent about the opportunities it takes away?

Building resilience

You have to be resilient. In the face of difficult times, you must work to survive and thrive. This is hard work, but showing resilience is really important in overcoming the problems you face. I’m not the only person who ever hurt their knee, and you’re unlikely to be the only person ever who faced the obstacle your facing, so how you deal with the challenge is the important thing. Ultimate success in overcoming the obstacle is determined by your attitude to it.

Attitude is key

You either decide to tackle it head on and overcome it step-by-step or as Rocky says, you can get beat to your knees and stay there if you let it. Overcoming obstacles is not easy for any of us. If it were, there would be no such thing as struggle or pain. Life isn’t lived in such a fantasyland however.

We have to be strong in order to move forward. Surrounding myself with good people, living in the present as much as possible, being resilient, having the attitude that I will overcome it and staying positive helps me keep moving forward. I’d be thrilled if it helped you to do likewise.

In the last two weeks, I’ve been to more places in Ireland than I thought I would travel to in 14 months, never mind 14 days. I also travelled to metaphysical places; some old and familiar and some completely new.

Advocating positive mental health

When I agreed to speak about my personal experience with depression and suicide for Cycle Against Suicide, I didn’t think about the repercussions involved.

In my own way over the last number of years, I’ve tried to be an advocate for positive mental health and to encourage each of us to be open in our discussion of the topic. A topic I believe is still too often shrouded in secrecy when it affects us all, in one way or another.

In at the deep end

Armed with a speech and shaky hands in which to hold it, I headed off to my first pit stop in Cork on Day Three of the cycle. I just knew I was speaking in Cork, not Cork City Hall, which I didn’t discover until the day before. Talk about jumping in at the deep end!

Family story

Although I’ve given a few speeches in my life, I had never spoken publically about my personal story with suicide. A story which isn’t just mine, it’s my family’s. When I was 16-years-old, my mum was diagnosed with severe depression and within a few weeks of that diagnosis, she made her first attempt to end her life, in a cycle which would continue for the next seven years.

In recovery

It took me a long time to fully deal with the difficulties that arose from the pain my family was going through. Thankfully, my mum is in recovery today and is very much alive and happy. But it would be a fair question to ask, why would I put myself in a situation to share the intimate details of a painful experience for my family?

Shared experience

Simple. My family’s story is not just ours. The theme of it has touched too many people for comfort. Over the course of the cycle, I met mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, friends and loved ones whose stories didn’t have as happy ending as my family’s did. Their lives have not only been touched by the devastation and pain of suicide, they’ve been irrevocably changed as a result.

In this way, my family was lucky. My mum believes she’s lucky she didn’t succeed in any of her suicide attempts; because the road to recovery is there for the taking.

Creating the memories

She’s not a memory that we recall on special occasions with sadness and regret. She’s a part of the memories. She’s shaping them – taking the photographs and joining in with the simple joys of day-to-day life. I always felt blessed that my mum is still alive. But my experience on the cycle over the last two weeks compounded this feeling. The experience also brought up a lot of other feelings for me.

Reliving the feelings

At times, reliving those seven years put me right back into the position I used to occupy. Being a frightened teenage girl, terrified of what was going to happen to her mum and being equally terrified of sharing her family’s situation in case people would be judgemental. Frightened that they wouldn’t understand my mum wasn’t crazy, she was ill and needed help.

Ok not to be OK

But it was this mixture of feelings that gave me the strength to give speech after speech about my experience. To do my best to get a message out to people that it’s OK not to feel OK and it’s more than OK to ask for help.

We all go through rough and tough times in our lives, most of the time, they happen when we least expect them. But we don’t talk about them enough. We don’t share our stresses and feelings of being overwhelmed enough. You only have to look at the rate of suicide in Ireland to see that.

Someone to help

People in a suicidal state make permanent decisions based on non-permanent feelings. That’s what everyone one of us needs to remember; that when we’re in a dark place, there is always light. When you feel alone, there is always someone there to help.

Arm yourself

The feelings you have at that moment in time will pass. Think of depression as a war that you have to fight – nobody on this planet can fight a war on their own. You need reinforcements, weapons, and backup. The people you talk to, the moment you ask for help is when you begin your journey to recovery.

Learn to take good care of your mental health

Cycle Against Suicide is an incredible initiative to raise awareness. But it’s not a journey that ends because the wheels on the bikes have stopped turning. Taking care of your mental health is a continuous effort. Sharing our tough times with each other is an on-going process. My mum and I battled against the worst beast imaginable – and you can too. Never forget that.

When I was 14 years-old my best friend told me, “If someone asks you ‘How’s it going?’ You’re supposed to say ‘Fine.’ not ‘Well not great actually, because…’ the way you do”.

It was meant to be a valuable social lesson in how to fit in. In a way, it was, as not everyone needs to know what’s going wrong and why at any given time.

A hundred ways to ask “How are you?” But, there’s only one way to answer; “Grand”. That’s us, that’s the Irish way apparently.

Encouraging conversation

With ReachOut.com, and campaigns like Green Ribbon, we try to encourage conversation, get a dialogue going about mental health. But by the same token, we need to make sure we know how and when to listen.

Most of us recognise that talking about tough times is important. Getting things out in the open can be the best thing for you. Don’t bottle things up. But, who you open up to and how you do it is equally as important.

Who you talk to

Talking doesn’t have to be about going to see a counsellor or a doctor, though great if you can. It’s not an option for a lot of us. It can be expensive or there maybe none near you. You may have had a bad experience with one, or you just didn’t feel you could open up to them. It happens.

Family or friends can be just as helpful. So we can also be support for our friends and family. Therefore, how we are when someone opens up to us is very important.

How to listen

You could be the first person your friend or family member approach when going through something tough and so you need to be as understanding as possible. There are useful ways to listen to someone to make them feel heard and understood.

If someone tells you at three in the morning after a rake of drinks that they’ve been struggling a bit recently, you could be the first person they’ve told. Acknowledge it, but, maybe suggest talking about it again, when you’re able to take it in better and give them the time.

Clear expression

There are effective ways to communicate that we all could do with knowing, to make sure we all express ourselves clearly. Remember, it can also be quite overwhelming when someone opens up to you for the first time, so make sure you look after yourself too.

My friend was right, even though it’s not really what she meant, but there can be a better time and place. Let’s get everyone talking about mental health and let’s be ready and know how to listen. 

This is an exciting opportunity to develop a new app that markets mental fitness to young men across Ireland.

For full functional spec please contact naoise@inspireireland.ie or phone on +353 1 7645666

What is mental health?

When we think of mental health we often think of illnesses like depression or schizophrenia. However, there’s more to mental health than this. Mental health also refers to your general state of mind. You can have positive mental health or negative mental health, even if you are generally coping well.  

Creating barriers

As the event went on, listening to the different opinions expressed, I learned more about the link between drugs and mental health.
 
When you think of mental health, you may think of control, happiness, contentment or order. But, good mental health is usually a sign of a positive way of life. Mental ill-health is the opposite of this. It causes problems and creates barriers to being happy.
 
Your frame of mind may vary between the two as mental health can change. It can be affected by external influences and some these are alcohol and recreational drugs.

The link

The aim of this event was to find the ‘missing link’ between drugs and mental health. By the end of the event everybody had learned more about drugs and mental health and how they’re linked.
 
Substance misuse is an increasingly recognised problem among young people with mental health problems. Many individuals may experience both mental health problems and problems with substance misuse.
 
There can be some difficulty in identifying which came first; the mental health problem or the substance misuse problem. Experts suggest that sometimes each condition may play a role in the development of the other. 

Substances as a coping mechanism

At the event we heard that sometimes people who have feelings of anxiety, especially social anxiety use substances as a coping mechanism. Alcohol and recreational drugs appear to have a bit of an anti-anxiety effect and users can feel they have more confidence when they are under the influences of these drugs.
 
This isn’t a good way of coping with feelings of anxiety. It can lead to dependency and substance abuse problems, which can cause lots of other problems.

Offering support

One of the most important things I learned was how to support someone going through a tough time. When having a conversation with somebody experiencing mental health problems, being non-judgmental and offering a listening ear is often the best thing to do.

The bomb explosions at the Boston Marathon on Monday shocked the world. Word began to spread around 7pm Irish time that an incident had occurred.

As details emerged of deaths and injuries, many Irish people scrambled to find out if their loved ones in the city were safe.

Sharing the news

But it wasn’t only those with a nearest and dearest in the city that felt despair and sorrow over the event. Twitter and Facebook exploded with information – some of which was extremely graphic – and shaky details on what had happened.

No matter who you are, from what walk of life, some of the footage of the carnage of the attacks has been harrowing and disturbing.  

Graphic imagery

Ethically, this information shouldn’t be so freely available. As a journalism student, part of my training was to learn how to deal with graphic and grotesque images of war and violence because the hard truth is, you’re going to be confronted with this in your job. But even with training, it doesn’t make it any less shocking when I click a link to a picture and see a detailed image of a victim’s damaged body.

The truth is, the world’s a scary place. There are lots of dangerous people in our shared societies. While we’re still not aware of who specifically carried out this attack, no explanation will provide solace for those, all of us, who have been touched by this tragedy.

Feeling empathy

Remember being affected by a story like this – or any sad news story for that matter – doesn’t make you strange, even if it doesn’t have a direct impact on your life. Part of our humanity is the ability to feel empathy and sympathy for those in difficult situations. I imagine if you ask most people their feelings on this story, they would reflect a similar view.

Expressing your feelings

It’s OK to talk about the effect that scary world events like this can have own your own feelings. There’s nothing “weak” or “soft” about expressing them or being horrified at some of the information being broadcast. They’re not feelings that should be bottled up. Allow yourself to feel, how you feel, when you’re feeling it.

While tragedy touches our lives in different ways, it’s something we all share.

One of the most beautiful aspects of life is that it’s full of the unexpected. You never know when you’ll find €10 in the street or meet somebody who will become your best friend. But everything has a flip side and the unexpectedness with which life can change is something that can make you feel more deflated than elated. 


When least expected


Having a fight with your family, going through a relationship break-up, not getting the job you were sure you had in the bag…These are all curve balls that life throws at us when we’re least expecting them. When something hits you unprepared, it can be difficult to deal with.

Out of the blue


The truth is, we can’t prepare ourselves for everything. While the Boy Scouts mantra is “Be prepared”, there are some things you just can’t prepare for. They hit you out of the blue and take the wind out of your sails. Suddenly, you’re in a situation you didn’t see coming and feel like you don’t even know how to begin coping with it.

OK not to be OK


Feelings of despair are natural when difficult situations unexpectedly occur. It’s OK to not be OK with what’s happened. But the hopelessness you feel in the aftermath of some form of heartbreak will not last forever. The feelings are temporary as is the situation you’re in.

Affecting people of all types


For Bressie, musician and well-loved judge on “The Voice”, his battle with panic attacks hit him out of the blue. Speaking about them recently, he said “Everything was going so well and it just came along, it doesn’t pick it’s victims and for me it was all consuming”.

 The thing is, tough times affect people in all walks of life and everyone finds themselves in situations they did not expect and are unsure of how to deal with.

Writing stuff down

Bottling up your thoughts and emotions is only going to zap the energy you need. Talking might seem like an obvious step, but it’s a powerful one. If you don’t feel like you’ve the capacity to talk aloud about what you’re going through, write it down on paper.

I’ve always found this to be very therapeutic; you can get all the feelings and thoughts swimming around in your head out. You can say whatever you want and then, get rid of it – rip the paper into a million pieces or (safely) burn it. There’s a catharsis by doing this that can really help. 


Time is a healer


You also need to keep on living; even when at times the last thing you feel like doing is going out to see your friends or getting yourself through a school day or work day. Take each day at a time and in that day, take each hour at a time.


Mostly, time is the best healer. Especially for a situation or tough time you desperately wish was different, but unfortunately, they are what they are and you can’t change them. But you’re in control of your life and how you choose to live that life in the aftermath. There’s no overnight solution to a sudden, life-changing shock.

Allow yourself the time

There’s no clock ticking to tell you “Ding dong, you should be better by now!” It’s a process and a necessary one. Allow yourself to grieve for the situation the way you need to and then one day, you’ll find the grieving has stopped.

So when life throws you a curve ball, don’t let it knock you down. Whether you feel like that right now or not, it’s important to remember that you are a survivor and you will get through this. There’s no instant fix to your situation, but the smaller steps are the ones that will help you emerge from how you’re feeling right now.

The ‘Let’s Talk about Drugs Media Awards’ provides an opportunity for young people to investigate and explore the following topics: ‘Alcohol and sport – who is the real winner?’ and ‘Weed and health – are we making a hash of it?’

Discussion


The aim of the awards is to encourage public discussion of drug-related issues by inviting secondary school students and aspiring journalists to create a feature about drugs. While this competition targets students, it is open to all over the age of twelve. Entry categories are newspaper article, video feature, audio feature, poster design, and cartoon strip.

Mental health

This year’s topics focus on alcohol and weed – more specifically – alcohol and sport and weed and health. What can be said about these topics from a youth mental health perspective?

Is cannabis consumption among young people contributing to mental health issues – or is this an overstated link? Is sponsorship of sporting events leading more young people to drink or to drink to excessive levels – should we care?

Prizes

Whatever your thoughts on these topics, get creative and turn them into a winning entry! You could be in with a chance to win one of more than twenty Android tablets or €1,000, and have your work published or broadcast.

Enter
Get your entry in by the deadline on Friday, 31 May 2013. For more information and tips on entering go to www.drugs.ie/awards.

I think it’s fair to say that I am a bit of sports fanatic. I will watch any form of sport. I feel moved and involved by it and even begin to support and take sides. I am in awe of these exceptionally talented individuals who perform week-in week-out at the highest level.

Van Persie tapping in goals left right and center (not too much of late to be fair), the Killkenny hurler making the sport look like child’s play (as a cork person I find this very hard to admit), BOD making every last ditched tackle and definitely earning his place on a third lions tour, McIrory and Woods making every shot count at the masters this weekend or even Djokovic showing the world why he is the new Federar, I love all of them. There’s something about watching these amazing individuals that makes you forget they’re human.

Shaking the football world

Something happened just over a year and a half ago that rattled the football world; the tragic death of Gary Speed by suicide. This was completely unexpected and shocked fans and players alike. His death unearthed something that appeared to have a brooding in the sport for quite a long time; the need to finally open up about mental health issues.

Not isolated to soccer, the shift in the GAA’s attitude and openness towards mental health is becoming ever apparent. This was brought to the for-front primarily after All Ireland winning-senior footballer Noel O’Leary’s brother tragically took his own life.

Relief in opening up

Even ex-Munster and Ireland’s rugby player Alan Quilinan has openly admitted to having had difficulty dealing with depression. He has discussed the nervousness he felt at opening up about the topic, and how relieving it was to finally talk about it.

Being human

I think it’s exceptionally humanising to think that people with such incredible talent on the sporting field are also the very same people who can and do experience mental health problems. Perhaps what is even more impressive is how open these individuals have been about their experiences.

Even within the preying public eye some have openly admitted to experiencing severe anxiety, depression, issues with addiction and drug/alcohol dependency. As a young, typically-closed off, male I find it inspiring watching these individuals discuss some of the more sensitive topics in their lives that you’d never have imagined given their attitude on the pitch.

Everyone has a story

There are two take-home points for me from this. One very obvious one is the cliché “don’t judge a book by its cover”. Everyone has a story to tell and every story is as important and as unique as the next. The other (and to me the more important) is the sense of encouragement I am given watching these sports personalities discuss something that has been brushed under the carpet for years. Hopefully watching these inspiring individuals can help me, and others, to know that it’s ok to not be ok and equally to reach out when we need to.

I’m afraid to leave the community into which I have only recently found myself actually feeling a part of. It took the guts of three years – and now my course is almost finished. What the hell do I do with my life?!

Transition phase

For anyone going through a major life transition, be it from school to college; college to the outside world; your current college course to another; an Erasmus programme abroad; or even just an upheaval and relocation to another home address, the most important thing is not, as most would assume, to ensure you keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, or making sure you do everything correctly and in accordance to consensus (snore).

It’s to keep your thoughts in check and the way you process all this new information, new acquaintances, and ultimately new chapter of your life. It is truly a mind-boggling experience, being shoved mercilessly head first into a sea of people, locations, and information, half of which you didn’t desire or even know existed in the first place.

Excitement in the uncertainty

This is where I’ll make my first positive affirmation; daunting and devaluating as this unknown realm of adulthood all sounds. You cannot deny that there is also a certain element of excitement to it. Sure, I don’t have the slightest inkling where on earth I will be twelve months from now. I’ve no idea how I will be paying my bills or funding my ever-intensifying relationship with Urban Outfitters and Topshop. But isn’t that half the fun??

Stumbling along your way

As someone whose experience has led her to believe that last minute plans always work out to be the most rewarding, I can most definitely see the exhilarating aspect to it all. Starting out with nothing and stumbling your way blindly to somewhere you’ll be happy, because, after all, that’s really what it’s all about, isn’t it?

Happiness. In my experience you’re not going to be happy anywhere unless you’re happy with yourself. Which could lead me on to subtly redirect this train of thought to promoting healthy eating and general wellbeing (which of course is also vital to your continuing happiness), but let’s just focus on the external factors, before I get too distracted and go make myself some green tea…

There really are so many options out there for young people today. With the ever-increasing amount of college courses and opportunities that now exist, you’d be absolutely foolish to barricade your possibilities into one room or onto one route for your life to take.

How far you’ve come

Sure, it’s scary. It’s daunting. But, so was that first day in playschool. Look how far you’ve come? How many new experiences have you had since then, and dealt with accordingly? It’s going to happen you know. You’re GOING to finish college, there’s no point trying to deny it or prolong the time you have to make any decisions.

Start with the blank canvas

If you’re like me and have that big naked, blank canvas in your head that stretches out ahead whenever you think of September 2013. Try and look at the positive side of it – it’s blank. It can become ANYTHING you want. Anything. I just want to live…and be happy?! Is that too much to ask?

I don’t really count myself as an adult although technically I am, being just out of the young person (12-25 year-old) category. In any case, it can be easy for people my age and older to think we know what’s best for young people.

What people want

So, it’s always good to get out and talk to young people to find out what they think and want, and to do it in a meaningful way.

This is what we did last Saturday in Kilkenny. Lifeline Kilkenny invited us (ReachOut.com) to facilitate a consultation with young people called “Speak Out, Be Heard. Have your say about youth mental health!”

Energetic and enthusiastic

It’s not an easy thing to do to give up a Saturday morning to come and discuss mental health with a group of people you probably don’t know. So, it was really encouraging to see so many young people there, all full of energy and enthusiasm.

Discussing mental health

After a couple of ‘ice-breakers’, the main work got underway and myself and Derek did a workshop about mental health in general and ReachOut.com. We had a few discussions with the full group and then in smaller groups about mental health and what it’s like to be young in Ireland today.

We haven’t yet gone through all of our notes from the day but some of the issues that came up were things like:

• getting through everyday issues like stress, bullying and exams
• formal and informal supports that are out there and what should be available for young people
• how we talk about mental health
• huge advances in technology
• school and the academic stress put on young people today.

Informing a plan

All of the discussions, stories and experiences shared will feed into a Kilkenny county Youth Mental Health Plan in an effort to make Kilkenny a great place to be young. 

Thanks to Lifeline Kilkenny for inviting us and to Community Consultants, KASES, Comhairle na nOg and most especially to all the inspirational young people who were there.

With Silver Linings Playbook seeing Jennifer Lawrence win best actress at the 2013 Oscars and now, another movie, Side Effects, just released that deals with depression, mental health is being actively discussed in our culture.

Control your own culture

Chuck Palahnuik, the author of Fight Club once said, “The first step – especially for young people with energy and drive and talent, but not money – the first step to controlling your world is to control your culture. To model and demonstrate the kind of world you demand to live in. To write the books. Make the music. Shoot the films. Paint the art.”

It’s an interesting observation that seems quite relevant now, as popular culture takes on the topic of depression and mental health.

Viewing the process

I’m glad to see the subject entering mainstream discussion and in a mainly, approachable, positive way. In Silver Linings Playbook, Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence portray the process of recovery with poise, humour and honesty. It’s not all sunshine and roses and it’s also not easy; but it’s real.

Different approach

I’ve yet to see Side Effects and from what I can gather, it takes a different approach to the topic. The film is a psychological thriller which examines the dangers of easy prescription of medication for depression. However, what the two films do have in common is the theme of mental health.

Common experience 

The fact that the topic is becoming so prevalent in our films, books and even music demonstrates how common struggles with one’s mental health actually are. We all experience times when our mental health is put under strain. The parameters of that strain differs from those experiencing a difficult time to those who are suffering from long-term depression or anxiety. But we all have our own brush with the area, so why is the topic still so stigmatised?

That question raises more issues than I could address in an entire book. People still see mental health as a mystery, something dark and scary and dangerous. Will an admission of difficulty make me weak? Make people think I’m crazy? Isolate me?

Importance of good mental health

But as our media is showing us in different ways, many of us have feelings of despair or despondency. There isn’t a mystery to mental health, but there is a lack of awareness about the importance of good mental health and how to take care of yours, which is different to mystery.

Mental health needs to be normalised in how we discuss it. It’s not something which should be talked about in hushed tones or shame.

Taking away the mystery

Turning around and telling a friend that you’ve been having a crap time lately because work is getting on top of you and your boyfriend is annoying you and your family is just plain doing your head in, doesn’t make you crazy or abnormal.

In fact, it’s the most normal thing in the world. If we could just recognise and believe in that truth, we can see that the mystery is nothing but smoke and mirrors.

Myself and Roisin went along the other night to watch seven teams of two people from all the medical schools in Ireland, lay out very well-rounded arguments on the topic “Mental health services for Generation Y – online or out of touch”.

Definition of “Generation Y”

Obviously we would have a certain bias here, but it was a great opportunity to hear what our future doctors think.

It was as entertaining as much as it was enlightening to listen to a group of Generation Y-ers firstly define themselves, who they are, what they’re about and what their needs from mental health services actually are.

Need to share

Some of the teams took an alternative approach to public speaking by acting out certain scenarios, giving nods to some people’s attachment to their phones, the need to be connected and share, well, everything…how delicious their omelets were for breakfast and the likes.

Going online

It was of absolutely no surprise to us, every team pretty much concluded that of course, mental health services need to be online! That’s where everyone goes to for work, school, entertainment, staying in touch with friends and information.

But, in certain cases, online services should be used to compliment traditional forms of support. It was also acknowledged as the internet changes the way we all work, so must the way we provide mental health care. 

We’ve absolutely no dispute with that. What we’re about is encouraging and informing people about informal supports as well as formal supports, for the times they’re needed. 

Laughter – the best medicine 

What struck me most about the evening, was that a bunch of people can speak about mental health in a way that’s irreverent and funny. Spike Milligan would be proud. The audience was giddy initially in anticipation of the night and with support for their teams.

But, all of the speeches used humour in a way that’s effective not only for public speaking and engaging your audience but in a way that’s disarming. It allows us to talk about some of the heavy stuff in a positive, lighter way and people laughed, great big belliers. Which is great for your mental health.

They were not disrespectful or uninformed. Seriously, these were very engaged speakers who put a lot of research into their speeches. No one made fun of anyone’s distress. It was just about the stuff that happens everyday that can chip away at us. 

Shifting the conversation

Who would believe it? You go to a evening of talks about mental health and it was actually a barrel of laughs.

Public conversations about mental health tend to be so negative…”what are we doing wrong?”…”he spent years of being unwell”…”couldn’t get the right help”. It’s no wonder people can find it hard acknowledge when they need extra support sometimes. It’s off-putting and scary, sounding like no good can come of it.

Positive approach

Mental health is so much a part of our everyday experience. So, if we can shift our approach to be a bit more positive some of the time, and not be afraid to inject a bit of humour into it, it helps take away some fear of asking for seeking that extra support when we need it.

So on that note, a psychiatrist walks into a bar…erm, no. I’ll work on that one.

What it means to us

Mental health is something we all have and it’s an essential part of each of us. As the World Health Organisation says “There is no health without mental health”.

When we talk about mental health, we’re talking about how we feel, how we relate to other people and how we do day-to-day things. We’re not just talking about the absence of a mental health problem. To us, having good mental health is about feeling good about ourselves and being able to get on effectively in daily life.

Changing levels of mental health

A person’s mental health can be positive and good, or it can be poor and people can feel down and unwell. Either way, it’s important to know the quality of a person’s mental health isn’t fixed. It can get better or worse at different times as we journey through life. Even day-to-day experiences can affect our mental health for better or for worse.

Tough times

We can all experience tough times when we feel stressed, upset, worried or afraid.

We consider it a ‘mental health problem’ when our feelings, thoughts or beliefs negatively affect our day-to-day lives and activities and we cannot seem to, or don’t know how to, move past those feelings, thoughts or beliefs. It’s at times like this that we can use a hand or extra support.

Mental health problems tend to begin when we’re young . This is when support and resources are needed and one of the many reasons ReachOut.com focuses on youth mental health.

Minding our mental health

Our level of mental health can change as we go through life, and even on a daily basis. There are things we can do to look after our mental health. Making sure we get enough sleep and enough exercise, making sure we eat healthily and to take time out to relax and do the things we enjoy.

One of the most important things we can do is to talk to someone. This can be a trusted friend or family member if there’s something bothering us. Talking about how we feel and sharing our thoughts and worries can help us to feel better and can help us to come up with ways of coping with our feelings and emotions.

What does mental health mean to you?

As we said, mental health can mean different things to different people. Let us know what it means to you.

Eight young men, aged 15-18-years-old, from Kircubbin started using WorkOut on Monday, 12 November 2012 and they worked through the missions in this order:

• Week 1 – introduction, gym induction and worked through expectations 
• Week 2 – being practical
• Week 3 – building confidence
• Week 4 – taking control
• Week 5 – team player
• Week 6 – evaluation and group activity

We explored the four mission areas from the WorkOut App, on separate weeks, using group work to digest some of the tasks that had been completed online. We also looked at some case studies such as Ronnie O’Sullivan and Ricky Hatton and some film clips. (A beautiful mind)

Working through the missions

Each week we spent time in our community internet café doing group stuff. Sometimes we worked through the online tasks, before heading next door to the gym, which is also part of the community centre.

Completing tasks

On the whole, they reported quite varying use of WorkOut. Some didn’t have internet access at home which meant time in the café was more crucial for them. When we did agree tasks to complete at home, some went in their own direction as their interest took them.

Working through it together

Specifically, one young man reported great improvement in his sleeping routine. The entire group felt that being able to work through much of the stuff together was useful.

This was true in relation to identifying some of the key areas that brought on stress, i.e. relationships and school. This was also true in relation to identifying some strategies for coping and taking the time to assess some of these. One participant started to play a particular sport again as a result of realising its potential to affect his mental well-being and sense of achievement.

The combination of gym sessions and the use of online technology to promote self-reflection were effective in tackling the topic of looking after your mental health and encouraging ways to work on your mental fitness. 

Sign up and work on your mental fitness, visit: www.workoutapp.ie .

Support to get results

As a Liverpool fan it hurts me to say that but it’s true and it happened becaused the club’s executives had some perspective and knew then that you need to back people to get results. Arsene Wenger needs that same type of support now and there is no reason to believe that it wouldn’t pay off.

Transformed

Ok, it’s been nearly eight years since Wenger has won anything as Arsenal manager but please Gooners, don’t forget what he’s done for your club. The Arsenal have been transformed forever because of Wenger and his methods and teams have given millions of football fans unbelievable entertainment – who can ever forget the invincibles of 2003-’04?

Kept going

Or the pure joy and almost childish messiness that sparked between some of the great Arsenal players of the last decade? One stand out moment was that ridiculous penalty missed by a lame combination of Pires and Henry when the pair couldn’t stop laughing afterwards. Moments like that keep us going as sports fans. Respect is one of the buzzwords in modern day football – but what about perspective?

Need to appreciate the now

It was sad to see people like Piers Morgan on Twitter last night saying “In Arsene we rust”. People have short memories, need quick fixes and don’t appreciate what they have in the here and now. Sure, Arsenal look laboured and lacking in confidence and it looks like the wait for silverware will go on.

Warrants respect

But there is so much for Arsenal Football Club to be proud of and one man in particular must be credited with transforming that club from the offside specialists of the early 1990s to the football purists of today. He deserves a little respect and fans need to have some perspective.

Developing patience

Don’t forget what he’s done for the club and consider that you might just want to give him the time he needs to get you back to winning ways. I’m seeing this as a long-suffering Liverpool fan – we’ve had to develop a lot of resilience, patience and perspective, believe me.

The definition of an idol is “A person or thing that is greatly admired, loved, or revered”. In our celebrity-obsessed culture, idols come in many shapes and forms – from US Politicians such as Hilary Clinton to pop singer Beyonce.

Nobody’s perfect  

Generally, we choose idols because they possess qualities we admire or wish we had. But idols, like a human being, are not perfect. So what effect does it have on us when our idols fall short of greater expectations?

Take for example, pop-star Rihanna. She has fame, fortune and millions of worldwide fans. She also has a boyfriend who previously assaulted her, however, they re-united in late 2012. The world gasped in horror, including myself, and found it difficult to understand her decision to reconcile with a man who had inflicted such violence upon her.

Difficult decisions to accept

Not being a particular fan of her myself, her decision prompted interest in me rather than conflict. I would imagine that for a fan of hers, it’s quite difficult to accept such a decision from an idol. One of my own idols, Marilyn Monroe, is somebody who made decisions I personally would not make.

Shaping your behaviour

But sometimes, even our role models and idols fall off the pedestal we’ve mentally put them on. It’s important for yourself not to shape your own behaviour based on the decisions of a celebrity. For example, to not rationalise that it’s okay to stay in an abusive relationship because a pop star took back her previously violent boyfriend and he apparently is reformed.

Just because you admire many things about someone – famous or not – doesn’t mean you have to follow in their every exact footstep; especially if those footsteps turn down a dangerous path.

Inspiration from those you admire

It’s equally as important not to compare yourself against the people you admire. Sure, it’s good to look to other people for inspiration. It can be a driving force for us as individuals and inspire us to achieve goals that seem difficult to reach.

Personal idol

Nellie Bly was a journalist in the early 20th century who went undercover in a mental institution in America so she could expose the abuse occurring at the place. Ms Bly is one of the sources of inspiration in my job as a journalist; to strive to find the truth, no matter the difficult circumstances involved. In that way, she acts as a positive influence in my ambition.

Without comparison

But I don’t compare myself to her. I don’t look at the things she had achieved by my age and mentally give myself a hard time if I fall short of her achievements. I don’t analyse what weight she was – which I genuinely don’t know – and compare my own body, planning the changes I would unhealthily make in order to look like her.

Influencing culture

While our 21st century celebrity culture can have a positive influence in our lives by demonstrating how nothing is unachievable; it also has a dark side. It has prompted “thinspiration” websites as Hollywood starlets starve themselves into near invisibility and young girls around the world choose this aspect of their lives to emulate; perhaps over the hard work they put into becoming a star in the first place or the mitigating factors which are affecting their figure – they need to be a certain weight for a part/they’re paid for their appearance, etc.

Be your own person

The quote at the beginning of this article said the definition of an idol is “a person or thing that is greatly admired, loved or revered.” There is no problem in admiring a celebrity, but there is an issue if you’re comparing yourself and your life to theirs. Idols are not without their faults, just make sure you don’t inherit those faults; admire a celebrity for who they are, but be your own person at the end of the day.

The Bodywhys ‘Be Body Positive’ programme engages young people in secondary schools and youth groups. The programme provides information about eating disorders and encourages discussion on body image and self-esteem and try to explore and challenge media stereotypes around beauty.

When discussing body image, the message we often get from young people is that they feel a lot of pressure to look a certain way. They say this pressure comes both from people around them and the media.

Media imagery

The groups often allude to the body shapes they see in the media – the very slim, flawless look we commonly see for females and the very muscular, flawless look for guys as one source of this pressure. Trying to live up to this ideal can impact not only on how people feel about their appearance but also how they feel about themselves in general.

Self-esteem

As part of the programme we explore ways to improve how we feel about ourselves. We talk about self-esteem and what it means. One thing all groups agree on is that nobody feels good all the time. All of us have times when we don’t feel great and that’s normal!

Having good self-esteem is not about feeling good all the time as that’s just not possible. A really important part of maintaining good self-esteem is recognising when you’re not feeling great and knowing what you can do to cheer yourself up.

How to work on it

Some ideas that groups have mentioned include: spending time with friends, listening to music, going for a walk, watching a funny movie. However, different things will work for different people so it’s important to know what works for you.

Why not set aside some time today to make a ‘happy list’ with ideas of things that could help to cheer you up when you’re in bad form? You could start by thinking of things you enjoy doing or people who make you feel good.

Body image

We also discuss how to improve body image specifically on the ‘Be Body Postive’ Programme. The groups often have great ideas in this area. Some of these include: focusing on what you like about yourself (we all have things we might not like but to try focusing on the things you do), following your own style, remembering images in the media are not real but a product of styling, good lighting and photo retouching techniques. You could also try writing a list of all the things you like about yourself without mentioning your looks.

Seeing yourself as you see others

This can help us to keep things in perspective and remember that body image is just one part of who we are. Considering what you like in other people can also help us to put things in perspective. During the programme, participants often say personality, feeling comfortable or understood, sharing common interests and a range of other things that make them like their friends. This can also help remind us what’s inside that counts and that body image really is just one part of a range of things that make us who we are.

If you’re interested in becoming a volunteer on our ‘Be Body Positive’ schools programme you can contact Fiona at youthdevelopment@bodywhys.ie.

Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2013 marks the launch of our ‘Size Doesn’t Matter’ campaign photos! Since September I’ve been on campuses all over the country getting students talking about body image, eating disorders and support seeking.

Most of us worry at some point about other people’s opinion of us – this can impact on our self-esteem, on how we feel about others and can determine whether or not we want to talk to someone when we need a little help.

Sharing opinions

Everyone agrees that it’s ok to talk, and that talking helps…but it can be hard sometimes! Our aim was to get you all talking and sharing your opinions about body image pressure, eating disorders and looking for help without any of the body image issues attached.

Without judgement

All of our photos were shot anonymously – so everyone who participated could communicate any positive message they wanted to without the viewer (you and me) making any judgements based on appearances.

Encouraging others to talk 

A collection of these photos have been uploaded onto the Bodywhys Facebook page. Have a look at some of the fantastic messages that students from round the country came up with. Looking through the photos it’s amazing to see how many of you were encouraging others to talk or look for help. This was one of our biggest themes and when you see how many people are there to listen, I hope that when you need to talk you know it’s ok to reach out.

Contact Bodywhys

You can contact us for support anytime via email on alex@bodywhys.ie, at our support groups in Dublin or Carlow, with our online support groups or on our helpline 1890 200 444 – just check out bodywhys.ie.

This year on Eating Disorders Awareness Week we’re announcing the launch of our new online programme SeeMySelf!

What is it?

SeeMySelf, is an online programme that young people will work through for 8-10 weeks. It addresses issues such as self esteem, body image and media literacy. But, what is great about this programme is that the young person will be supported through the programme with an online supporter, so it will combine both the anonymity of online communication with real human support from a trained supporter.

This is an innovative programme developed for Bodywhys by Silvercloud health, and in conjunction with the National Digital Research Centre.

Building resilience

This programme is working towards increasing awareness and educating ourselves to understand ourselves better, to see ourselves as we are. It can help figure out how the ways we think affect how we feel, and find a way of building up a strong sense of self and resilience to filter through the many messages we are surrounded by each day!

Currently there are some volunteers working through the programme but if you are interested in taking part email helpline@bodywhys.ie.

Watch out for all the other activities Bodywhys will be talking about this week, and remember that if you are struggling in any way, it is ok to reach out and ask for the support and help you may need!

You can submit a question to Harriet in our Ask the Expert section. 

When you’re going through a hard time you can forget the things that normally make you feel better. We asked a group of young people what helps them get their tough times and we came up with this bucket list.

Music 

“When I have an issue I listen to the same song over and over. It clears my mind, keeps me sane and makes me tranquil.”

“When I’m feeling down, music lifts me up. Although I have family and friends to talk to, music is there immediately! It helps me when I’m sad, angry or even when I just feel like giving up! There’s always a song that relates to how I’m feeling at the time. But even though I listen to music to help me, I still talk about it to those that I trust, it’s definitely not healthy keeping it inside!”

Sport

“To get through the tough times, I like to go out and play camogie with my friends or even by myself. I find it a great way to relieve stress and it is something I’m passionate about and love to do. It helps my get through the tough times because it’s something more then just a sport to me now it’s part of my lively-hood. I’m in my comfort zone when I play camogie or even any sport. It makes me happy and that’s all that matters to me!! ”

“I rarely go through hard times but when I do I get over them though physical activity and sport. By doing so I meet my friends and enjoy myself. This helps me get over all my problems no matter how major or minor they may be.”

“I use Gaelic football as my way of getting through the tough times I face. I LOVE Gaelic football and the pitch is my second home. I really feel at ease there. Hail, rain or snow it’s still my go to during the bad times. Its my life and such a big part of me.”

Tea

“The best way I have found to get through tough times is just take a step back we all need time to process it. Just step back clear you head find something you love to do and just get away try forgetting about the problem. When you go back to deal with it it will be so much easier. If all else fails get together with you friends for a cup of tea it ALWAYS helps.”

Play an instrument

“When I’m really stressed out I play guitar and maybe write a song. Music is a medium that I have always found to be easy to speak through. Some of the greatest songs in the world come out of feelings of sadness and loneliness. Take the negative emotions and use them to make something positive.”

“Whenever I am feeling down or upset about something I always turn to my music! Music is my life and it has always been here for me, through everything! I either turn on my favourite cd or my radio or I play piano! I love to play piano and sing and it really relaxes me and cheers me up!”

Sing and dance

“When I was younger I was really down all the time. But my love of music had helped me through it. I love to sing, dance and listen to all types of music. I try to listen to happy upbeat music when I am feeling low. I started dancing a few years ago and it has made me have confidence in myself even if I do mess up a lot! I used to be really shy and wouldn’t talk to anyone. Music has helped connect with people I never thought would like me let alone be my friends. If you haven’t thought of music as a hobby, I suggest that you try it sometime”

“When I’m down and I have a problem I usually listen or write music. Music means everything to me. I have based my life around music, it’s a way of expressing my self.”

Take a break

“When I am going through a tough time I usually try to find a way to go somewhere that I can have a good time, enjoy myself and take a break from my stressful situations.”

Friends and family

“Friends and family: they’re the people you spend a lot of time with. When you’re at your best, they’re there with you to join you in happiness. And when you’re feeling bad, they can be the ones to pull you back up into the light. Remember that there are people you can trust, and you should not fear opening up to them. Say how you’re feeling, explain your problems. More often than not, I find, they can remind you of something you forgot in your worries, give you a little encouragement, and help you get to where you want to be, physically or emotionally.”

Talking

“A problem shared is a problem halved…talking for me has always helped in tough times.”

“I find talking to my best friend really helps me get through a tough time! Whether it’s eating ice cream on the couch or walking the dog it’s the best form of relaxation for me.”

To help us, each year we our ask visitors to complete a user-profile survey. This survey asks questions about your views of the site and why you’re coming to ReachOut.com. There are also questions about your understanding of mental health and about getting through tough times to find out your wants, needs and preferences around getting support. As well, we ask you to share your age and gender with us.

Right now, we’re collecting for our third annual user-profile survey and we would encourage you to take it and give us your opinions. It’ll only take 10 minutes and it really does help us out.

Information collected from the past two surveys have given us some interesting insights and we’d like to share some of those with you.

Gender and age

In the two surveys we’ve held so far, we found around 60% of survey respondents were aged 12-25-years-old, which is ReachOut.com’s target age audience. The rest were over 25-years-old. Many of these were parents, teachers and health professionals looking for information to help a young person through a tough time.

Results from our first annual survey showed a fairly even gender split, with last year’s survey respondent mostly female. 

Going through tough times

Most survey respondents said their main reason for visiting ReachOut.com was they were going through a tough time and looking for information to get through it. We also found many respondents were experiencing high levels of psychological distress, meaning that they were feeling nervous, tired out, worthless or depressed. 

Knowledge about looking for support 

People who responded to both surveys rated their ability to help a friend through a tough time higher than being able to access help, support or information for themselves.

It’s great to see that there such a high level of confidence in people’s ability to help a friend.

Seeking help

ReachOut.com was identified as the most likely source of future support when/if going through a tough time. Friends and health professionals were other likely sources of support.

Interestingly, a high percentage of respondents would be unlikely to call a helpline to get help through a tough time. Showing the need for a wide range of supports to be available so everyone can find and access support. 

For the past two years, we’ve  published a report based on the findings of our ReachOut.com user-profile survey. You can find those two reports on the Inspire Ireland website. 

They’re a bit sarcastic but the point is clear. Nobody lives in the perfect family.

Hugging it out

In ReachOut.com’s “perfect family,” ad, two siblings cheerfully tell their parents about issues they’re struggling with. So dad suggests the family to hug it out. All fixed right?

Not easy

In real life the issues brought up in this ad are not so easy to talk about and just as difficult to hear.

Tough times

What it demonstrates is that everyone goes through tough times. No matter how perfect things look from the outside everyone has their own issues they struggle with and everyone needs a dig out from time-to-time.

Talking about it

It was pretty easy for the people in the ad, but telling someone you’re going through a tough time in real life can be hard. Whether you talk to a friend, family member or doctor asking for help can be scary. But it’s worth it!

Don’t go it alone

It’s important to remember your family and the people who care about you more than likely know that you’re not perfect and want to help you. Nobody should ever go through a tough time alone.

Read eating disorders or getting help for drug use for more information if you’ve been affected by the issues in the advertisement.

It’s understandable to be sad about the lie-ins going away for a while.

Different feelings

We can feel a lot of different things about going back to college from being anxious about the upcoming workload, to being excited to see friends again. All of these feelings are normal. If you find what you’re feeling is affecting you day-to-day, try talking to someone about it.

Getting back into a routine

After spending the break off of school, it can be tough getting back into your routine. If you have morning classes, try slowly building up to waking up early again. If you have new goals or habits you want to start this year, try working them into your schedule now, so starting school and new habits at the same time don’t feel overwhelming.

Clean slate

Although the school year isn’t over yet, this semester can be a clean slate. If you found that you weren’t great at studying last year, try making a plan on how you can improve it. Maybe you didn’t get out and make as many new friends as you had hoped. You can decide if you’d like this new semester to be different. Check out foolproof resolutions for tips on making new goals for this year.

Find something to look forward to

If you’re finding it especially hard getting revved up for school this year, try finding the things you will be looking forward to. Plan getting together with your friends you haven’t seen all break.

Over time, college will fall back into place and you’ll be back into routine, so don’t worry too much. Read more about going back to school.

But there are a few things to make getting back into a routine easier.

Start slow

Try easing your way into a routine. If you need to start waking up earlier, try going to bed a little bit earlier each night. Each day, slowly work things back into your day that you hope to start doing in the future. This will help keep you from feeling overwhelmed or burnt out after a couple weeks.

Take care of important tasks first

Having a large to do list can be stressful, especially if some of them have deadlines attached to them. Taking care of the things that are most important first, instead of procrastinating until the last minute, will help to lift some of the stress off your shoulders.

Make a list

Make a list of the things you need to finish, or habits you would like to work on. Break them into the small steps, and rank them in order of priority. By breaking the “to dos” or habits into small steps, it is easier to see your progress as you mark them off.

Take breaks           

It can be tiring when you first start working on getting back into your routine. After you finish certain tasks or goals, take a break and do something fun that you enjoy. Getting back into a routine doesn’t have to be tedious. Even if you haven’t finished everything you wanted to finish yet, take a break!

Remember, this is the time of year that everyone is getting back into their routine, so don’t stress too much if it takes you a little while to get back into yours.  

The winning film

This year winner was 22-year-old Kate Dolan with her film “Subtitles”. Kate is a freelance filmmaker from Dublin and we interviewed her about what inspired her to make her film and the challenges she faced. 

What is your film about?

The film is about breaking the habit of silence in this country in terms of mental health. We all know somebody with problems in their life yet we choose to keep quiet about it. Hopefully the new generation of young people in this country can start to change that. 

What inspired you to make the film?

As I said above, this country has a very hush-hush attitude to many things, including mental health. I find it quite frustrating so making this piece is hopefully one small step in the right direction for young people in Ireland. 

Were there any challenges in making this film?

We hadn’t got a lot of funds for getting paid actors/sets/props/extras/equipment so I had to call in friends and family to all do a small part for us. It worked out very well and I’m glad I have such a great support system of people to help me out. 

What did you enjoy most about the process?

I enjoyed shooting the scene, and explaining what I was trying to achieve to everyone there, they really understood what I meant about breaking the silence. So it was a great feeling to have everyone on board, working together to complete the project.

Check out the other entries:

Winner – Kate Dolan’s Subtitles

First runner up – Maureen Walshe’s Depression is a monster

Second runner up – Darren O’Connor’s What is depression?

Highly commended – Michelle Duong’s Benjamin

Highly commended – Homejam Productions Pimp my mental health

Highly commended – Anytime Productions A new day

Highly commended – Jonathan Victory’s That voice inside

Highly commended – James Keating’s Whatstigma

Highly commended – Gavin Fitzgerald’s Find a light

Highly commended – Darragh Mc Cashin’s Making silence visible

The down side

Most of us have been tagged in an unflattering photo at some stage on Facebook. Or we’ve been misunderstood by someone on Twitter or sucked into the negative vortex that are YouTube comments. Seeing these can be hard; but it becomes more traumatic when someone is mean on purpose.
 
No matter how confident, good-looking, rich or famous you are, when someone says something mean about you, it hurts.
 
Proof of this is the experience of One Direction’s Harry Styles after reading a massive list of negative comments about him. 

Harry’s experience

In November, ITV2 special One Direction: year in the making Harry talked about logging on to Twitter when he was feeling down after he felt he messed-up during a gig.
 
“It’s one of those times when you’re kinda feeling sorry for yourself. So you’re looking for bad comments to make sure you were right.”
 
Harry was greeted by a massive list of negative comments. We can all relate when he says “If there’s three people saying ‘you’re amazing’ you don’t think why do they think I’m amazing? Coz you know that they’re a fan. But if there’s one saying they hate me, I’m like why do you hate me? What have I done?” 

Ignoring it

In Harry’s case the negative comments were all from people he didn’t even know. This can happen to anyone especially if you use anonymous sites.
 
It’s normal to care about what people think to some extent but the opinion of strangers who’ve never met you is never worth worrying over.  

Already feeling down?

We all feel down sometimes. This could be because something bad has happened like Harry’s gig or there may be no reason at all. If stuff is happening on social media that’s making you feel worse then it’s a good idea to log-off and take a break.   

Being bullied

Bullying can take many forms. Unfortunately, we’ve all heard or witnessed some types of cyberbullying these days.
 
Whatever form it takes bullying is never OK and it takes it’s toll on your mental health and self-esteem. If you’re experiencing any form of bullying it’s important to tell someone about it.

Reflect

Just because everyone else is making resolutions doesn’t mean you have to. But, if there are things you want to change, there are things to make those resolutions more successful. Find a time where you can sit for 10-15 minutes and reflect about where you are. Picture yourself being content and happy; does that person look different than you do now?

Write it down

Take another 10 minutes or so and just write down the thoughts about what you want to change. Avoid letting it become a to-do list. Include the ideas, and the thoughts and emotions associated with those ideas. Writing your ideas and thoughts down increase the likelihood that you will follow through with your goals.

Be S.M.A.R.T.

Once you’ve decided the changes you want to make, it’s a bit business-speak, but no harm in making the goals SMART.

• Specific: Take the general ideas and make them more specific. What do you want to accomplish? For example a resolution like, “be healthier” is too vague (although on most people’s list). Try defining what it means to you to be healthy, what specifically about your health do you want to improve?
• Measureable: Once you’ve broken your goals down into something specific, try to identify how to measure it. Recognise how to know when you’ve reached your goals, and what it will take to get there.
• Attainable: Make sure your goals are attainable. Can your goal or resolution be broken down to an even smaller chunk? For example, instead of, “I want to save 1000 euro for an upcoming trip,” try breaking it down to how much money you would need to save each week. How will you save this money? Will you go out less, or make sure to make your own lunches? Once you determine how much you want to save each week, how long will it take you to save the 1000 euros?
• Realistic and relevant: How is this goal relevant to you? How will it improve your life? Does it seem worthwhile? Is this the right time to work towards this goal? Does it help you to meet other needs or desires?
• Timed: Make a (realistic) deadline for yourself. Organise the activities needed to reach your goal. Are there steps to break it down? Identify what things you can start now, and what things you will need to start down the road.

Get going!

Identifying and making new goals energises us to get motivated. There are stages we all go through when trying to change our behaviour and knowing what these are helps, as we all need to try a few times. 

Good luck! 

Whether it’s things you’re happy about, or maybe not so happy about, focusing too much on the past can keep you from enjoying the present.

Don’t think so hard

When we focus too much about what we’re doing, sometimes it can make our performance worse. So, when we feel anxious about giving a presentation and we focus on how anxious we feel, it can actually cause our anxiety to build up.

However, completely zoning out isn’t the answer either. Instead of focusing on how worried you are about presenting in front of people, try to notice different things in the room that are happening outside of your head.

Savour the moment

Usually our thoughts become distracted by past or future events. Sometimes we can be out with friends, having a great time and start thinking, “we must do this again sometime.” Next thing, we’re only focusing on how we’d plan it or what we would do instead of focusing on how much fun we’re having at that time.

Be neutral

When you’re noticing things happening in the moment, try not to think of them as being good or bad. Instead, try viewing them as just what they are and that’s it. If you don’t get the marks you want on an exam or assignment, don’t judge it as necessarily being bad. Consider it a score that’s provided you feedback as to what you need to do differently for next time.

Stick with it

Let 2013 be the year you enjoy what’s going on in the here and now. It can be easier said than done in a world where we’re encouraged to multi-task continuously but focusing on the now is a valuable life skill, doing wonders for our sense of well-being.

It if doesn’t work today, give it another go tomorrow. Check out Mindfulness for more information.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is when you practice paying attention to what’s going on with yourself physically and emotionally instead of going through the day on autopilot. When we’re on autopilot, we’re more likely to react to our buttons being pushed by people or events.

Practising Mindfulness

The good thing about Mindfulness is that you can do it anywhere. You could even use it while walking or doing the dishes at home. The next time you find yourself waking to the local shop, or walking home from work or school, try just noticing what’s happening around you.

Usually, when we walk somewhere familiar, we get stuck in our own thoughts and may not even remember the walk by the time we get home. Try noticing the buildings or people as you walk past. Tune into what it feels like as your feet hit the ground, or the movement of your arms and legs.

Interfering thoughts

Chances are as you’re walking, thoughts will keep popping into your head, like, “I have so much work due next week, how am I going to get this all done?” or “I wonder what drama is in store for Christmas this year with aunt so-n-so and gran in the same room.” 
Don’t get too frustrated at yourself, just notice these thoughts you have and turn your attention back to your walk.

Keep practising

Practising Mindfulness may not feel natural, or may be difficult for you, but try sticking with it. The more you practise, the easier it will get. Keep in mind, that as long as you’re noticing what’s going on, it’s impossible to fail at being mindful. Check out Mindfulness for more information on the benefits and how to incorporate into your life.

Money worries are such a stressor for us all.  So whether you’re interested in things like the budget or not, it’s good to know how it’ll affect your wallet.

On a night out/or in

•  The price of a bottle of wine will increase by  €1
•  Pints of beer and cider will be increased by 10c
• Excise duty on spirits will rise by 10c per standard measure
•  The duty on a packet of cigarettes will increase by 10c
•  Roll-your-own tobacco will increase by 50c per packet.

Health

• The Drug Payment Scheme threshold is being increased from €132 to €144 per month
• If  you’ve a medical card, prescription charges will increase from €0.50 to €1.50 per item.

Driving

• VRT and motor tax will increase in 2013 (unless you drive a hybrid)
• Some good news here, there’s no increase to the cost of petrol and diesel. Woohoo!

In school

• If you’re 18 or under, your parents will be getting €10 less a month in child benefit for you
• The back to school allowance has been cut by €50. That’s €50 less to go towards uniforms and shoes next year.

Third level education

• No surprises here, the Student Contribution Charge will increase by €250 next year and every year until 2015. Next September you’ll have to pay €2,500 and that will go up to €2,750 in 2014 and €3,000 in 2015
• Funding has been reduced by €13 million to VEC’s and €25 million to higher education institutions. It’ll be up to the colleges to decide how this will affect current and future students
• The student grant income threshold will increase by 3%. Student grants are means-tested so if you’re applying for a grant in 2013, you (or your parents) will need to have an income of 3% less than you needed in 2012 to be eligible
  • The cost of education allowance (book grant) was €300 but will now be abolished. No more book grants for 2013
  • Participants on the Vocational Training Opportunities Scheme (VTOS), Youthreach and FÁS further education and training programmes who move from jobseeker’s payments will no longer have their new payments increased to the maximum €188 per week, if their jobseeker’s payment is less than this. However, people under 25 who were getting an age-related reduced rate of Jobseeker’s Allowance will get a standard maximum rate of €160 per week. (citizens information)

Working or looking for work

• There’ll be no more Pay Related Social Insurance (PRSI) exemptions for low-income workers. Don’t panic, employees who earn €352 or less per week still won’t have  to make a PRSI contribution won’t affected. But, if you earn more than this per week you begin to pay PRSI. It’s estimated this could cost most people €264 per year
• If you’re self-employed the minimum level of PRSI you have to pay per year will rise from €253 to €500 
• On a positive note, reliefs to small and medium size enterprises may encourage employers to provide jobs.  An additional €12 million in 2013 and €26 million in a full year has been allocated to increase the numbers of placements available on labour activation schemes like JobBridge, Tus and community employment scheme.

On the dole

• Good news. No changes to payments or criteria to be eligible for Jobseeker’s benefit or Jobseeker’s allowance.
• However, the duration of the Jobseeker’s benefit has been cut by three months. This means if you’ve payed PRSI for two years prior to becoming unemployed you will now only receive benefit for nine months. After this you have to apply for Jobseeker’s allowance which is means-tested.

Renting

• There’s been no change to rent allowance but due to increases in property taxes and PRSI, rents could increase if landlords choose to pass on the these costs on to tenants.

Increasing rates of infection

Instances of sexually transmitted infections  (STIs) have risen by 12% in the last year and 60% of people with STIs were aged between 20 and 29.  

The scary thing is not all STI’s have physical symptoms, so you or someone you’re with could have one without knowing it. Just because there aren’t any symptoms doesn’t mean the STI isn’t doing major damage inside. Many STIs can lead to long-term health problems such as infertility.

Getting rid of them

The good news is with regular testing you can catch these STIs in the early stages. It ‘s possible to treat them before they do any damage and many of them are totally curable.

Avoiding them altogether

Even better then being cured of an STI is not getting one in the first place. If you’re sexually active the best way to prevent STIs is by using condoms.  They are the only form of contraception that protects you from the majority of STIs.  There are some that even a condom will not protect you against, but using one will lower the risk, see human papilloma virus and genital herpes for more.

 Awkward asking?

If you do decided to have sex, whether you’re in a committed relationship or just having a one-night-stand it can sometimes feel a little awkward bringing up the subject of condoms.

You have to think about your health long-term. Explaining to someone that they have given you an STI or you have given them one could be much more embarrassing than the condom conversation. Remember if someone doesn’t want to use a condom with you then they don’t respect you or themselves.

Today is International Men’s Day and it comes in the middle of a month (Movember) when men are being encouraged to think about their health.

There’s no harm in that is there? We’re all about looking after yourself at ReachOut.com and a lot of the same principles apply to the upkeep of mental fitness as they do to physical fitness. 

Where to start

We’ve developed a new online tool, WorkOut, for you to gauge your mental fitness levels and work on ways to improve it.

Take the quiz

When you login you’ll need to take a quiz in different areas like confidence, practicality, control and being a team player. These are areas that everyone could improve on.

Take a mission

The results of these tests will show where improvements can be made and which missions to undertake to do this. These include tasks like regulating your sleep or practicing some breathing exercises. All of which will help you deal with stress better.

Obviously there’s a bit of work required, you’ll be on a mission after all. Really it’s only you who can increase your confidence or take control of your life. WorkOut is a tool that helps you along and encourages you to be mindful of your networks, taking time for things you enjoy and your strengths.

Talking to someone

We’re always stressing the importance of talking to someone when going through a tough time, be it a friend, a family member or a counselor. There’s no change there, it can be one of the most helpful things to get through those times. What you learn from WorkOut are ways to develop your own resilience for the day-to-day stuff.

So gentlemen, get working out and increase your mental fitness, for life, not just for Christmas or International Men’s Day.

It is of course open to ladypersons too, as we can all benefit from being mentally fit.

There’s nothing nicer then making somebody else smile, but what makes you smile?

This week the Union of Students in Ireland (USI) in partnership with HeadsUp.ie, PleaseTalk.org and ReachOut.com are asking students to tweet about #whatmakesyousmile.

It’s a clever way to get some positivity into our day. Also, by joining the conversation and tweeting a picture of what makes you smile, you’re in with a chance of winning a ‘feel good’ hamper.

What makes us smile?

We asked some of our youth ambassadors what makes them smile:

•    “Coming home from a long day and having a cup of tea with Mammy.”

•    “Making someone laugh when they’re angry.”

•    “A bath after a long day of work, having dinner made for me, getting letters in the post and watching trashy TV shows with my cat. It’s all about the little things!”

•    “Going for a run (especially if it’s slightly drizzling!) after a frustrating day. You can’t beat the feeling of pounding the pavement for a few miles and returning exhausted but weirdly energised at the same time.”

•    “Sunshine, tea, tunes and friends.”

Whether it’s puppies, pandas or cake that make you smile it’s time to get tweeting as today is the last day to win that hamper.

Winter can be tough. The cold and dark make it all too tempting to hibernate for the season. The cold makes it hard to find motivation to go out with mates or keep up regular exercise routines and the dark can get us feeling down.

Hibernation

If you’re feeling your motivation for leaving the house waning now’s the time to make a plan for staying social, active and positive this winter.

Staying social

Staying in touch with your friends is really important. Having a laugh and a chat will make you feel much better and is a reminder of the support network that you have,

Having fun

OK, beer gardens may be out but there are plenty of things you can do to stay connected.  Have people over to cook dinner, check out free museums and galleries or just have your mates over for a cuppa and to play some video games. Start a regular night like movie, poker or board game night.

Learn something new

If you don’t feel your friends would be up for it why not join a night class?  It doesn’t matter which, the point is to motivate yourself to get out of the house, do something fun and meet new people.

Staying active

Regular exercise is really important. If you’re lacking in motivation rope a friend into going with you.  Joining a team or class works too.  Or you could chuck the regular routine altogether and take up ice-skating, hokey, zumba or jazz ballet.

With a plan for winter you never know it could become your favorite season. But if it doesn’t, remember it’s only a few months.

How or what to wear

So, which look to go for? Scary or sexy? Funny or cute? No matter what you’re doing, heading to a party or out in town for the night a bit of creative effort is called for. Brilliant for some, but what if you don’t feel great about yourself, if your body image is pretty poor anyway.

Feeling judged

Even if you’re not entering a competition for your outfit, it can be pretty competitive out there, and we’re not just talking about Halloween anymore.

A recent Dáil na nÓg Council survey of young people and body image came out with some interesting, yet no so surprising results. Those questioned between the ages of 10 to 21 said that for girls peer pressure or comparing themselves to other girls had the largest negative impact on their body image. Bullying was deemed to have the most negative impact on boys’ body image.

Caring about your appearance

Our body image is made up of how we see ourselves, as well as how we think others see us. Sure, it’s a good thing to care about your appearance and when you do, should you not care what others think?

There is a limit though. Like everything else moderation is the key. When anything gets to a stage where it has a negative impact, something needs to be done.

Loving the skin you’re in

Feeling bad about how you look can be all consuming, and can interfere with your social life, not just at costume party time.

The good news is if you’ve negative body image, you can change it without changing your body. After all, the way you look is not who you are. Your physical appearance is just a small part of what you offer to the world.

If you’re happy with yourself, you won’t give yourself a hard time making comparison and what other people say matters less.

Changing those negative thoughts

Developing a positive body image can be hard work, but so worth it. Whenever you hear that little voice telling you you’re too fat, skinny, small, tall or have wonky something, stop it. It’s actually your voice so you can.

Learning to challenge negative self-talk is a skill for life, and starting it with how you think about your body is a good first step.

If you’re still thinking easier said than done, yes it is, no doubt about it. There are always going to people you compare yourself to. Unfortunately, there will also always be people who say something they shouldn’t about how you look. Just, remind yourself of people who are self-confident and comfortable in their skin (not cocky, but self-assured) and aren’t they just nicer to be around?

Catwoman, Wally, hobbit or zombie?

So, maybe start working on your body image by just having a bit of fun with your costume this Halloween and not taking it too seriously. Sure the bin bag and mask is still making an effort, right?

Daniel’s story

You may not have heard this story about cyberbullying; one with a difference. High school footballer Daniel Cui let in a goal that lost the match for his team. It happens, he’s a goalie.

But, someone in his school decided to blame Daniel for the whole team’s performance that season. They created an album on Facebook of all of Daniel’s worst football moments and it soon went viral around the school.

As you can imagine this was really upsetting for Daniel and he tried to stay away from school to avoid seeing anyone.

We’re all Daniel Cui

Daniel’s friends decided they had to act. They found a photo of Daniel making an excellent save and all made it their profile pictures. Over the following hours over 100 students from his school made it their profile picture as well or liked the photo.

One of his friends has been quoted as saying, “The whole school stood up for one kid who needed it” and “The next day Daniel came to school like he was 10 feet tall”

Cyberbullying

Chances are if we don’t experience cyberbullying ourselves we could know someone who does. We are all responsible for preventing it. Make no excuses the impact of cyberbullying is just the same.

We’re all responsible

Nasty pictures and messages only go viral if people share them. Think before you share or like something. No matter how funny it is, how would it feel if it was about you. Just because you didn’t upload it or don’t know the person doesn’t make it OK.

Supporting your friends

Daniel Cui’s story shows there are things we can do to support someone. In this case, one good picture outweighed many embarrassing ones. If a friend is being cyberbullied let them know you’re there for them, that they do have friends out there to support them, in whatever way you can.

If you or someone you know is experiencing bullying online read cyberbullying for steps on how to stop it.

There are a lot of angry, disappointed football fans out there this week. Only the very optimistic would have expected a win for Ireland last Friday. The game against Germany was more of a massacre than a loss, with a final score of six – one to Germany.

Disappointment

We will all experience disappointment at some stage and more often it will be a lot more personal than a football match.

Express it

Disappointment can lead to a rage of emotions such as anger, hurt and sadness. Sometimes it can be hard to admit when we’re disappointed.

At times it feels easier to try to laugh to off. But, it’s OK to talk about how you feel. It helps you vent and get things into perspective.

Learning

It’s hard when things don’t work out the way you hope. Talking about it will help you figure why it didn’t work out. Finding out what you can try differently will improve your chances next time round.

Changing thoughts

Dwelling on “what could have been” isn’t helpful. Don’t beat yourself up about things you’d no control over.

Making yourself feel bad could prevent you from trying again.

Looking to the future

Use the things you learned to move forward. Now that you know what hasn’t worked in the past, concentrate on what does. The Irish team is definitely not letting this defeat get them down and is looking ahead to tonight’s game against the Faroe Islands.

Stand-in captain for Friday’s game John O’Shea has been quoted as saying “Obviously we are still massively disappointed by how it went the other night. We cannot forget it but hopefully we can move on from it.”

Let’s hope that they can learn from their disappointment and “bring it” tonight. COYBIG.

The underdogs

No surprise, but we’re the underdogs. Despite winning our last game against Kazakhstan, scoring two goals in the last two minutes, Germany are still the clear favorites. One of the reasons being a spate of injuries that have befallen the Irish team.

Injuries

Giovanni Trapattoni’s planned team for the game has been destroyed by the loss a several key players.

Opportunity

It could be easy to be disheartened by the absence of certain players. It’ll certainly be a challenge for the team. But in this challenge lies a silver lining.

The situation provides an excellent opportunity for some of our younger and less weathered players to gain some valuable experience. In fact it’s necessary to insure future years of great Irish football.

Learning from experience

We all have challenges in life but one thing we can learn from the Irish team is to try and see the hidden opportunities. It can be really hard but tough times don’t last forever and what we learn from these experiences will benefit us for years to come. One of the things that makes this possible is support from family and friends.

The best fans

Winning would be an unexpected treat but even if we don’t manage it the Irish always win in term of having the best fans anyways. To be sure, to be sure.