When it feels like everything is going wrong

You make plans, you set goals, you put some hard work into them. But sometimes, for whatever reason, things don’t go your way. 

Applying for jobs

This can be a job in itself and you could be going nowhere with it. Getting rejection letters seem to be start to be the norm, or sometimes just nothing.

It is a tough competitive world out there.

Accruing debts

Sometimes we can find ourselves chipping away at debt and then something else happens, like our bike gets stolen or the car exhaust goes. So we get wallowed up by debt again.

Disappointing exam results

You really put the work in this time, you really did. You’re not fooling yourself. Then someone in your class, who coasts, gets waaay better marks than you.

Getting physical

You could be really trying really hard to get fitter/thinner/bigger and nothing really seems to be working. There’s always someone who makes it look easy.

Relationship break-up

A relationship you’re in, with someone you really like, ends. You thought things were going well and just like that, they say they’re not into it anymore.

No consultation. No answers. Over, end of.

Do any of these scenarios resonate with you? You may have similar ones, that have come together and it is just getting you down.

When you find things won’t go your way

Sometimes, things happen and they are completely out of your control and that can be difficult. Particularly when you’re really trying, in whatever way you can.

There are occasions, on top of a whole load of stuff, we can find ourselves standing beside a flat tire in the rain wanting to scream WHY ME!

Getting perspective

First of all, whatever is not working right now is one area of your life. Even if it is actually two things, for example your girlfriend ends it with you and you lose your job – you are more than both of those events.

There’s no question, they are a very big deal, but yes, there is still more of you.

You are made of up of loads of traits, experiences, opinions, skills, strengths, memories and flaws too. Mustn’t forget about the flaws, as they are all part of the package.

So, what do I do?

• Talk to someone
  Yes, you’ve heard it before but really thrash it out with someone you trust and can talk openly with. Say to your friend, or family member or whoever you choose, “I need to get a few things off my chest, so let me rant…”.
• Get some distance
  If you can, get away from the situation(s). Even if this means a walk, here or there for a hour or two. Any kind of scenery change is good, and mix it up.
• Practice self-compassion
  Put simply, give yourself a break, don’t be so hard on yourself. Talk to yourself as you would do to a friend and try to alter any negative thought loops.
• Ask for help
  If you need help, ask for it. People aren’t mind readers and they don’t want to over step boundaries. Speak up and ask for help. You don’t think less of someone asking you for a dig out do you?
• Write stuff down
  Writing down whatever you have going on in your head for fifteen minutes everyday, unfiltered can do wonders for your mood and perspective. Write what you want, you’re angry, frustrated, or sad, get it all down. It’s for no one else. After a few days you should feel a little lighter but don’t give up the new habit.
• Have a good cry
  Find a space, and let it all out. Watch a movie you know will make you teary, if you need to. But let it all out. Nothing wrong with it. You won’t feel better straight away but it’s a release.
• Take it easy with drink and drugs
  We’re not saying withdraw and don’t go out, but the temptation to numb things completely with drink or drugs when things are going wrong can be strong. The numbness is also only a temporary relief, and can lead to feeling worse when they subside. So, take it easy.
• Watch that self-talk
  Mentioned before, but we can whip ourselves into terribly negative thought cycles, work on positive self-talk.
• Speak to someone outside the situation
  The benefits of speaking to someone who doesn’t know you, or a mental health professional means they have no bias and just want to support you.
• Get help
  If you’re at a point where you feel you cannot cope, seek help now. You can and will get through this. It will take some work, but you will.

So much happens in our lives that we cannot control. Take control of the things you can by looking after your mental health.